Sharmaine's Thoughts

MLK, Jr.

2012-01-13T13:31:00.000-05:00

Below is my latest video production that was shown during this morning's assembly. Although it's only a little over 8 minutes long, it took a lot! I entered Trinity's doors for a 7:30 AM meeting yesterday, and walked to my car at 7:30 PM last night. I wanted to do the subject matter justice. From the feedback I received, it was worth it.

I can't take credit for the concept, or for much of the footage and photos (I wasn't even born yet! ☺). The concept for the video came from my co-worker, Laurette (the one who has Nala). The production process was quite humbling, I must say. Searching through videos and images from that dark period in American history made me so incredibly grateful for my life, and for all who fought. I couldn't help but think that just the act of me sitting at my desk producing a video, holding a position like this at a place like Trinity was absolutely unthinkable in those days!! It's so hard to believe, and what's even more interesting to me is the fact that it really wasn't all that long ago.

Before I began the actual editing, I sat and listened to the entire "I Have a Dream" speech, and made notes of the segments I wanted to include. I remember one of my elementary teachers playing it for us at some point, but the understanding of it all at age 30 is dramatically different, and it's almost impossible to explain the feeling I got as I sat in my office and listened.

I hope you take a few minutes to enjoy and reflect.

Saving Grace

2012-01-07T11:12:00.004-05:00

I started following a new blog (new to me) about a week or so ago. The way I came across it is somewhat amusing. A while ago, I received a "Change of Address" notification through Trinity's website, from Heath DuPree, an assistant teacher. In the name field, it said "Heath & Neema DuPree". So I assumed Neema was a spouse, but it gave me pause, since it's a female name (please don't use this as an opening to form an opinion of me or to begin a debate on lesbian couples - not the point). Because these notifications don't usually include the child's name, and I was unable to find Neema in the printed directory as a student, it didn't occur to me that she might be a child. Well, she is...and a very cute one. ☺

I knew about Trinity hiring Heath, and I had seen Neema (pronounced 'NAY-ma'), but I never made the connection. So when I realized Neema is her daughter, I was curious about the background story. I know people (myself included) have their own thoughts regarding interracial adoptions, but reading this blog from the very beginning will definitely have an influence on the way you view this subject - and many other things, for that matter.

It has been beyond inspiring and eye-opening for me. I don't know Heath very well at all. I don't even think we've passed each other in the hallway more than three times since she started working at Trinity in 2010, but she is clearly an absolutely remarkable person, and I strongly encourage you to bookmark this blog or add it to your RSS feed, if you have one.

I still have about 11 posts to read before I completely catch up, but I wanted to pass along a "good read". These are a few that I've marked as favorites in my Reader:

Each one has its own reason for being marked as a favorite, which I may share at a later date. But the post with no title has a passage that encapsulates Heath's blog (and life) perfectly:

"...I did not choose this path. It was a calling. It was something God put on my heart and I just answered. I am so obsessed with this little girl and she is my whole world. But with that, there are downsides, because now my whole world is not about me."

Brat

2012-01-03T12:11:00.000-05:00

When people (mainly my husband) make comments about me being spoiled, I don't even try to argue. I know I'm spoiled, but what I always say is, "I'm spoiled, but I'm not a spoiled brat." Those who truly know me usually agree at this point. ☺

This morning, though, I had to disagree with myself, as my entire attitude changed and almost ruined my day because of something so incredibly trivial. I used my iPhone to deposit two checks into my checking account a few days ago, and because of the holiday, the availability of the funds was delayed, and they're still not available. (At this point, I can imagine some people saying, "And???" That's it. That's the end of the story.)

Are any of my bills late? No. Is the mortgage paid for this month? Yes. Are my lights on? Yes. Do I have hot water? Yes. You get the gist. Bottom line: These checks are just extra money, and I had the nerve to almost let this ruin my entire day! A day that, by the way, is a paid vacation day. A day that is the last of 2½ weeks I've had off!

And I won't even begin to discuss the devastation people are facing, not only around the country and around the world, but just right here in Atlanta! And this is what upsets me? Just proofreading this post made me realize how blessed I am: "...I used my iPhone to deposit two checks..."

So whatever inconvenience is pissing you off, get it together. I just did.

Borrowed Time

2011-12-31T19:04:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned last year, I guess I'm sort of a New Year's Eve Scrooge. I'm looking forward to a nice, relaxing evening at home, as the smell of gumbo is filling the house. ☺ I love watching the festivities in Times Square (although you couldn't pay me to be there), and of course, I love the champagne, but I've never been incredibly eager go out and participate in all of the pomp and circumstance. And although I'm not really into making a laundry list of resolutions, it's rather difficult not to be at least somewhat reflective during this time of year.

A few weeks ago, on December 12, I was hit with a realization that had eluded me for the last 15 years. A very dear friend of mine lost his father on that day, when we were in high school, 15 years old. I doubt I will ever forget that day, and not only was the day particularly difficult for him this year, it was also quite eye-opening for me, as I realized how young we truly were! I've always thought of my friend as a strong person, but realizing what babies we were when such a tragedy struck his life had such an emotional impact on me. It was a pretty rough day.

Late that night, a Facebook friend posted this photo, and of course, it resonated with me. I don't believe there are coincidences in life. So, as the sun has set on this last day of 2011, and as we reflect and prepare for another year, let's not lose sight of what's truly important.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Web Restlessness?

2011-12-19T10:48:00.001-05:00

I have spent the last week redesigning the website for my business, Instar Creations. I liked it before the redesign, and it certainly served its purpose. But now, I truly LOVE it! I also created a video showing the many instars of Instar Creations over the years (since 2006).

Be sure to check out the new Portfolio, and connect with Instar Creations on the web! Choose your method in the "Virtual Instar" area on the home page.

Share & Compare

2011-11-28T18:01:00.011-05:00

At the beginning of October, I was hired, through my business, Instar Creations, to build a website for a local establishment. I was asked to build only a landing page and a photo gallery, just to get the site "up". The rest would come later, I was told. I delivered, payment was made, all was well. I received positive feedback on the result, and in short, I sent a quote for the next phase, along with detailed instructions for submitting the remaining content. A couple of weeks ago, when I was asked to update the site to include information about an upcoming event, along with an event calendar, I noticed that I was unable to log into the administration panel. I then noticed that the site had been changed completely! In other words, someone else had rebuilt it!

I was obviously pretty upset that I was not informed of my "termination", but even more upset that I had not captured any screenshots of my work - the customized Flash, coding, graphic manipulation, etc! Well, I remedied that (see video below). ☺ Word has it that this new site is only temporary, until I finish. I guess we'll just have to wait and see, but until then, I've decided to file this work in my personal portfolio.

This is obviously not a post I feel is appropriate for my business blog, but I would like to not only share my work, but also (at a later date) lessons I've learned from this experience. Granted, the reason behind all of this could simply be money; perhaps this new site was built for free. Nevertheless, I would prefer that my hard work not be in vain.

Below is a short video clip, first showing phase 1 of the project that I completed, then the new site. I'm obviously bias, so I would love to hear what "fresh eyes" think.

Please forgive the watermark on my portion of the clip. ☺

Awkward Gratitude

2011-11-22T11:14:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine recently shared with me that the Thanksgiving program at work is always very difficult for her, and she has to fight back tears through it.

Although I understood it, I couldn't relate...so I thought. I realized this morning that I felt much the same way this time last year as I do right now, after the program ended. My reasons aren't as profound. I think I just figured out that it's because while the program is over for everyone and they're ready to officially enjoy the break, it's not over for me. I'm waiting for the video to import as I type this, and I have quite a bit of editing to do before I post it on the website. (However, I am thankful to my co-worker who actually filmed it for me, just to give me a break!) Fortunately, I have lunch with friends to look forward to. But the extreme happiness and noise in the hallways before and after the program, followed by the deafening silence less than 20 minutes later, after parents have whisked their children away and teachers are hot on their heels ready to peel out of the parking lot, is...I can't quite explain it. Somber?

Who knows? Maybe I'm just incredibly sleep-deprived from literally tossing and turning all night.

But despite my weird mood right now, I was struck by a quote I heard at the end of this morning's program:

The key to Thanksgiving is perspective.

When I heard this, I immediately thought of an email I received yesterday from a co-worker who was in a bad car accident a little over two weeks ago. "Hard to believe that two weeks ago I was training for a half marathon, and today enjoyed wheelchair yoga!!" That really resonated with me. Life can literally change in a split second, and I'm thankful for every moment...even these weird ones.

Determination - Part 2

2011-11-21T19:05:00.003-05:00

Since my blog post about determination exactly two months ago, I have acquired 2½ clients (the ½ is a possible separate blog post; still waiting on the outcome) for Instar Creations.

I'm very excited to announce the website rollout for Marced Entertainment! My post on Instar's "Blog-folio" tells a little more about it, but in short, this project was rather complex and proved to be quite challenging at times. It truly required it all - graphic design and manipulation, special effects, flash, coding, you name it! The client was absolutely amazing when it came to clearly expressing what he wanted, and I am truly grateful that he chose me for this project.

Please be sure to connect with Instar Creations

on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn!

And if you've been satisfied with any work I've done for you,

please take a moment to leave a testimonial on the site!

Why Are the Black People Together?

2011-11-17T14:13:00.004-05:00

This is one of the books offered for summer reading at my job this past summer - Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? And Other Conversations About Race, written by Spelman College President, Dr. Beverly Tatum.

Faculty and Staff members who chose to read the book gathered at the beginning of this school year to discuss it, but this morning, the discussion also included parents. It was a very powerful, open, provocative discussion.

Beforehand, I went straight to my friend and fellow "tweeter", Megan (yes, I know I tend to mention her quite a bit on this blog) to ask what our hash tag would be for the discussion (she decided #TatumTrin, as we were discussing Beverly Tatum's book at Trinity). She's like the ultimate "hash tag developer" for Twitter. ☺ So below is the series of tweets from this morning's discussion. Unfortunately, Megan's phone was roaming for most of the time, so she didn't get to join in the "twit-versation", so it was just me tweeting. But I want to share some of my thoughts from this powerful experience. I'm sure I'll be sharing more later.

Chronologically, it starts from the bottom.

Click to enlarge, or click here.

Deepest Thoughts

2011-11-14T09:54:00.000-05:00

Since switching to the iPhone, I've been trying to figure out exactly how I want my notes to sync (I'll spare everyone the details). I think I've finally figured out the best method, but as I was sorting through all 90 notes, I ran across a prayer from almost 3 years ago.

It was at the end of 2008, when my world and my belief in humanity and everything I thought I knew was completely shaken. It was less than a month after our second burglary, and praying didn't seem to be doing much for me. I've always been able to express myself more efficiently through writing, so I decided to write my prayer to God one evening.

December 9, 2008

Lord, I'm broken. My spirit is just broken. I NEED YOU!! I know You've heard my countless prayers during the past couple of weeks, and part of me thinks that maybe You're not granting me peace because You're keeping me close to You by not doing so. If that's Your will, please help me to surrender to it.

I want my life back. I want to be happy and excited about the Christmas season. I want to be excited about life again, about my job again. It's almost like my attitude/zeal about my job was stolen with my laptop. I want to feel comfortable at home again.

I'm struggling with going to California. You know the last thing I want to do is leave our house for days at a time. But You also know that Lee wants to see his family. What am I supposed to do? I really need You.

I'm feeling better as I "pray" this prayer, but God, I want it to last. PLEASE GIVE ME PEACE! I just want peace. Of course, Your comfort goes along with that. :) Please let me feel You holding me. I think I can actually walk on my own, but I know that I definitely need you right by my side. I need to FEEL You right by my side. Please make Your presence known to me. I really need to feel Your presence.

Crying out to You...

Just thought I'd finally share.

Cause

2011-11-13T16:18:00.003-05:00

Rarely will I write about politics, but this is very interesting. Quite thought-provoking. My friend, Rachael, posted it on her blog.

Heart of the Matter

2011-11-05T11:50:00.001-04:00

I just finished reading this, which may come as a surprise to people who know how much I love Emily Giffin. But for one reason or another, I just haven't been able to get around to this one, even though I was counting down the days to its release date of May 11, 2010.

Anyway, the intertwined message of forgiveness was pretty powerful, and it's funny, because that was lost on me until near the very end of the book. I like when messages unfold that way.

Next up: The Closing Door: Conservative Policy and Black Opportunity, a look at the effect of conservative policies on urban race and poverty in Atlanta in the 1980s. This should be VERY interesting!

Representation

2011-11-01T20:27:00.001-04:00

My Facebook Timeline

A little over a month ago, I ran across an article from CNN about future Facebook changes, and I was not thrilled in the least.

My understanding is that this major change will be unveiled a week from today, on November 8. But I couldn't wait, so I (along with a few others I've seen) "forced" my profile into the new timeline layout early. Only other "developers" (people who "forced" this change early) can see these changes reflected on my timeline right now (no longer called a profile).

From the looks of things, I may have to eat my words. I think I agree with the article's author. This new layout seems pretty cool. But I'm still keeping my eyes and ears open, because I also read this article. Not cool.

But all of that's beside the point.

I just want to express how much I love my "cover photo". ☺ It totally represents me.

Before & After

2011-10-31T09:47:00.001-04:00

I ran across this image of Trinity's old website a couple of weeks ago. My professional blog expresses a different take on the analogy of these two images, but what I really can't help but think about when I see these images is the year 2005.

I was a 2nd Grade EIP teacher in Fulton County, and I had made the decision not to renew my contract, after working there for a year and a half. I don't think I've ever shared all of the reasons why I chose to stop teaching in the public school system. Perhaps I should (it had nothing to do with the children). But I digress.

I started looking for teaching positions in independent schools, and I remember hearing a friend and college classmate talk about Trinity, where she worked, so I visited their website, and started the process of applying.

Who knew that 3 years later, I would be their webmaster and video producer? Kinda cool.

Thirty & Flirty & Thriving

2011-10-23T11:27:00.003-04:00

Brownie points to the person who can tell me where I got the title for this post. NO GOOGLING!!

Despite my extreme anxiety, it happened. I turned 30...and no tears were shed! I didn't collapse into a puddle on the floor!

So many people have told me that the best years of my life are beginning now, and I truly thought that only applied to some people. Certainly not me. But I can honestly say that I get it. I started "getting it" about a week and a half before my birthday. It's a pretty interesting phenomenon. Perhaps it's all psychological, but it's very positive, nonetheless. I've found that difficult conversations aren't as difficult as I would have found them to be just a couple of months ago. I'm much more comfortable speaking up and advocating for myself, even turning down an offer from a dear friend to advocate for me in one situation! It feels pretty good, I must say. ☺

On a slightly different note, some things never change. Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows that I tend to have expensive taste. I'm always the one in the group with the highest bill at a restaurant. I typically unknowingly pick the most expensive item when presented with choices. So I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that for my 30th birthday, I really went out with a bang!

For years, I've wanted a tanzanite ring, so when my mom asked what I wanted for my birthday, it was a no-brainer. So after lunch with my friend, Megan, my mom and I went shopping before meeting Aunt Sheila for dinner. I had noticed the night before (online), that tanzanite rings were pretty hard to find, and they were more expensive than I thought. I found some pretty inexpensive ones on sites like Amazon and Overstock, but since the hue of the stone can vary, I prefer to see it in person, to be sure I get one that has more of a purple hue, as opposed to a dark blue.

First stop, Macy's. One ring. $6,000.

Next stop. No rings.

Repeat (several times).

Final stop. Kay Jewelers. Here is where we got our answer. Tanzanite is so rare and expensive, because it can only be found in Tanzania, and the mine flooded about 13 years ago, so demand is high and supply is low. I can't, in good conscience, ask Mom to spend that kind of money on a ring. I'd much rather have the cash!! ☺ So, needless to say, this gift is on hold. ☺

Leave it to me.

Here are pictures from our (mine and Lee's) birthday celebrations.

Click here if you're on a mobile device and can't view these photos.

Sheer Excellence

2011-10-15T10:11:00.001-04:00

"I'm in love!"

"It's just so easy!"

"And it's so fast!"

"And I just love the keyboard!"

"I feel so grown up now!"

"If I had known this, I would have gladly paid the money! It's worth it!"

"This is just excellence, plain and simple."

All words spoken by my Mom about her newest Mac product.

And I just composed this post while waiting for my coffee in Starbucks.

Love it.

Too Much Fun

2011-10-13T11:06:00.001-04:00

This is too much fun to constrain it to just my professional blog!!

Go check it out!

Switch

2011-10-11T22:42:00.004-04:00

A picture is worth a thousand words, right? Well, what more can I say?

This...

Dear BlackBerry,

GET IT TOGETHER!!!

Sincerely,
Me

Last Thursday, I officially made the switch and became a complete Apple head. My BlackBerry was the last of my "everyday devices" that wasn't Mac. I have now completely converted to the iPhone, after 3 years of being addicted to the CrackBerry.

Overall, the BlackBerry is an incredible device, which is why it continued to be my main phone, even after I got an iPhone (then an iPhone 3G, then an iPhone 4). Through all of that, the iPhone was my "toy", and my BlackBerry was my work horse. (Yes, I carried both phones for 2 years. My friend, Emilie, summed it up perfectly: "Crazy woman") But it seems that BlackBerry is releasing new phones and software before they're fully developed. Maybe in an effort to compete? Well, duh. Of course that's the reason. But guess what! You're not even in the race if you haven't put the other shoe on! And at least wear the appropriate shoe! You're wearing one flip flop, thinking you're ready for a marathon.

Again, I say, "GET IT TOGETHER"!!!!

I simply couldn't take it anymore. The independent, "mind-of-its-own" scrolling, alone, was about to send me straight to the asylum (Google it: blackberry torch scrolling)!! I had the same issue with my last two devices, and I won't even begin to count the number of times Lee has had to replace his. So, in reference to my last post, when I said "more on that later", this is later.

Thanks to the vision of Steve Jobs and the ingenuity of his incredible team, I have used the word "seamless" countless times since last Thursday. That night, I didn't even want to put my iPhone on the charger when it was time to go to bed! I wanted it with me while I slept, and when I described this feeling to a co-worker, she replied, "I know! It's literally my friend."

You laugh. But if you don't have one, you just wait...

Oh. And yes, that screenshot is from a Windows platform. ONLY because I'm currently running Parallels on my iMac at work, and that's ONLY because we're in the process of upgrading our servers. Then, in the words of my boss, "Parallels is dead", because I'll be able to connect to our server with Outlook 2011 for Mac.

Workhorse

2011-10-08T09:16:00.004-04:00

I don't know of many people who get this excited about a coffee maker, but this model is an absolute BEAST! It's been kickin' for 6 years, and it's actually still going pretty strong. The grinder is a little tired, but that's about it. So it's not quittin' time yet (for the black one). It's going in the bedroom.

And in the kitchen...pure sexiness!!!

And this is my very first blog post straight from my phone...my iPhone!! More on that later. But for now, thanks, Steve. There are truly no words to describe your ingenuity.

Face Time

2011-09-30T15:21:00.000-04:00

I had a very important meeting on my agenda this morning. I met with all of the kindergarten students, but I wasn't in the same room with them. They used FaceTime on the iPad 2 (connected to a big screen) to conduct a "face to face" interview with me (I used FaceTime on my iMac). A big part of the kindergarten curriculum focuses on people in the community, both inside and outside of Trinity. So they learn about people like Mr. Kennedy (Head of School), Chef Jochen (Head Chef), and others who may have jobs that they don't fully understand.

The first part of the video is what one of the kindergarten teachers filmed and edited. It shows me "in action" and explaining what I do. They all watched this video prior to this morning's meeting. I set up a camera in my office during our meeting, so the second part of the video is just a few clips from the interview. I was thrilled to be a part of this unit, and it was so much fun talking to them and hearing their questions.

I'm not a fan of the bright fluorescent lights in my office, so it's pretty dark. It was also dark in the Activity Room, where the students were, so that they could see me on the big screen.

Here are all of the questions they asked:

- Do you have a husband?

- How do you stand so long at TTT (Trinity Together Time)?
- How fast can you record the videos?
- Do you like doing it? Is it fun?
- Do you get worn out when you get done?
- Do you get breaks?
- How long does it take you to get to Trinity School?
- Do you choose every 6th grader to be on Trinity TV?
- What time of day do you get to school?
- How do you put everything on the website?
- What time do the 6th graders do Trinity TV?
- Do you get snack?
- Why don't we see you so much?

Determination

2011-09-21T09:52:00.001-04:00

September 10, 2011 marked Trinity School's 60th anniversary. That date fell on a Saturday, so we officially celebrated last Monday, September 12, which was also the day this year's 6th grade class presented this year's school theme: Determination.

The timing was too perfect. I couldn't help but connect this theme to what was (and is) happening in my life.

A little more than a week before that, I had a meeting at Caribou Coffee that changed my attitude and focus. It was a website help session with my co-worker, Brandi, who recently launched her photography business (Brandi Leann Photography). During this meeting, she encouraged me to pay more attention to my own business, which I started in 2006. Aside from jobs that have come to me (as opposed my own pursuit), I have largely ignored it, mainly due to fear. I started rebuilding my site last October, using Joomla!, a very popular content management system. Part of my reasoning behind that was just to have Joomla! "under my belt", as I've noticed that it's become sort of a "must know" in the world of web design and development. After I got the basics, I went back to ignoring the site. ☺

Well, no more. During the past 2 ½ weeks, I have spent countless hours tweaking, coding, rearranging, and styling my website (and of course, creating hacks for compatibility with Internet Explorer - "SIGH").

So please join me in welcoming back...

www.instarcreations.com

Please be sure to connect with Instar on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn!

And if you've been satisfied with any work I've done for you, please take a moment to leave a testimonial on the site!

Misunderstanding

2011-09-01T10:52:00.002-04:00

I just thought this was funny. It's a video clip from this morning's Leadership Launch, an annual tradition that recognizes the Sixth Grade students as leaders, since they are the "seniors" of the school. They were sitting on the left side (off camera) as the segment was being introduced by our Head of School. When it was time for the segment to begin, Stephen (Head of School) wanted them (the Sixth Grade students) to stand. Here's what happened:

Webinar

2011-08-24T15:05:00.000-04:00

My friend and co-worker, Megan (yep, same one I mentioned in my last post) just shared this cute story with me. I participated in a webinar earlier today, and a student was in the hallway, trying to read the sign on my door. He said, "What's a...what's a...a webinar?" (He struggled a bit with sounding out the word.) So Megan explained to him that I, as Trinity's webmaster, still need to learn things, so it's like a class for me. Then, after his quick grasp of understanding, Megan tweeted about it. ☺

1 Day

2011-08-19T09:26:00.001-04:00

It seems I have a theme with my latest posts: From 3 Years to 2 Years, and now 1 day...

A few months ago, I let my friend, Megan talk me into applying to write for two different projects. Well, technically three, since one was a beta version of the full project. I referenced that post in April.

Both of these projects feature a different writer each day. The first one features 365 points of view from 365 people from around the world. The second one focuses on "learners", people with some affiliation to education - 180 days of sharing learning experiences. I've received a lot of positive feedback, which is always great!

You can read more about them by clicking on the pictures below...after you read my posts. ☺ And hey, why not apply yourself?

2 Years

2011-08-12T08:47:00.000-04:00

My last post was entitled "3 Years", so this one is sequentially (and quite appropriately) entitled "2 Years". ☺

These 3 houses summarize the last 6 years of my life. As we were moving to our current house less than 2 weeks ago, it occurred to me that we have moved every 2 years since we got married! That's a lot of moving.

We're settled now (in terms of location only; we're still drowning in boxes), and I love this house!! Where's the picture? Well, as a good friend of mine would say, "Wait on it." Call me paranoid, but after reading the story behind the move from the second house, you'll surely understand.

The stories behind our many moves:

House 1
House 2
House 3 - Well, thankfully, there really is no story for the third house. It was just never meant to be permanent, just a refuge from our (terrible, traumatizing) former neighborhood. I absolutely loved this townhouse. It was just beautiful! But at the end of the day (my apologies to those who hate that phrase), the parking situation was annoying, and I wanted a yard again. Oh! And having to carry groceries up one flight of stairs to the kitchen wasn't exactly an ideal situation, either. But the house served its purpose, and I have wonderful memories. I cried when we left...several times.

3 Years

2011-08-05T20:01:00.004-04:00

This summer marks the third year since I made the shift from the classroom to the world of web and video...although there are quite a few people in my life who still don't know that I'm no longer a teacher, or that I work during the summer, but I digress.

This year also marks Trinity's 60th Anniversary, so I was asked by the Director of Communications to incorporate the logos into the home page images. I love new projects and opportunities to learn new things. And I especially love being able to complete projects that would otherwise cost Trinity more money (about $300-$500 for our web developer to do this particular one). Wanna see what I did? All of the details are on my professional blog. And of course, you can go to Trinity's site to see it all in action. ☺

Fresh Your Body

2011-07-26T11:02:00.000-04:00

Remember this? I LOVED this commercial (2005)!!

The music is awesome, and of course, you have to love the very end! ☺

Shame on Atlanta Public Schools, Right?

2011-07-19T10:30:00.006-04:00

Do we really need to ask how we got here?
APS Cheating Scandal
Official Investigative Report

(This "memo" was written by me. The magic of Photoshop is responsible for the aesthetics. ☺)

Cherished Moments

2011-07-17T12:54:00.002-04:00

My former boss would probably not be very happy if I told her that I was spending part of my weekend making a dent in the almost 40,000 photos I have to delete from classroom photo galleries. ☺ (Ever since I sent her an email at 3:00 AM during my first week on the job, she was adamant about me not letting work take over my life.) This is one of those said 40,000 photos that I ran across this morning. I didn't even know it was being taken, much less published in that class photo gallery! But seeing it further fueled my desire to write this post that I've been thinking about for the past few days.

A few days ago, I read this tweet from my co-worker: "Treasuring fun times with my daughter. Don't know how she got so big so fast. Grateful for who she is and who she is becoming." I know her daughter. If you work there, you almost can't help but know her, at least to some degree, because her personality is so big! Reading this tweet immediately made me think of an encounter with her when she was about 3 years old. I walked out of my office on a mission (typical), and was somewhat oblivious to the 10-15 children who were in the media center, which is very close to my office. It wasn't that they didn't matter, but I work in a school. Seeing children isn't all that uncommon. It was just another day...until Emily* ran up to me with a huge smile on her face, arms open wide, and gave me the biggest hug! It caught me off guard, because although I knew who she was, I was certain that she didn't know me. Furthermore, I was about 99% sure that she was simply confusing me with another co-worker who is a teacher, which happens quite often. That was not the case.

I returned her hug and excitedly exclaimed, "Hi, Emily!" Then she stepped back, grabbed my hand, and led me over to one of the sofas in the media center, while asking, "So, what's your name?" (I wish I could bottle and preserve the exact way she asked. It was just too cute.) After I told her my name, she told me hers, and the conversation continued. At some point, I commented on how funny she was, which led to her telling me about her mom and dad, and how everyone in her family is so funny. We sat there like 2 friends just catching up on life - a 3-year-old and a 27-year-old.

This exchange interrupted my mission. I had things to do. Who knows where I was headed? To get a purchase order signed? To verify something with the Director of Communications? Does it matter? Clearly not, because I can't even remember. What I do remember is the exchange between Emily and me. It probably took about 5 minutes, but that's what I remember. Those are the moments that matter.

In the above photo, we were taking a break between "scenes" while I was filming in a 3-year-old classroom, and Connor* was so intrigued with my camera equipment, so I was answering his onslaught of questions, while making a deal to let him press "record" when we started rolling again.

Although I work in a school, I don't have a ton of interaction with children, but the thing that really means the world to me is when a child unexpectedly runs up to me and gives me a huge hug...especially when I'm just having one of those days. These moments are priceless, and I hope I keep that in mind as much as humanly possible when I have my own little ones, and that I won't let my "missions" take precedence.

*I've changed their names to protect their identities.

Let Nothing Surprise You

2011-07-15T10:18:00.003-04:00

For as long as I can remember, my mom has always said, "Don't let anything surprise [or shock] you." I'm still a little speechless about this one, though. This is an actual note mailed to one of Lee's clients, after he lost his wallet. All of the other contents, including the American Express card, Visa, and social security card*, were returned.

*Who doesn't know NOT to carry around your social security card? Really? Come on, dude.

Giving Up Hope

2011-07-14T08:55:00.001-04:00

The title of this post sounds pretty negative, but it's actually inspirational.

June 28 has been a pretty memorable day for me since 1991. It always sticks out as "that day" for me. Not necessarily in a bad way (anymore); it will just always be significant. June 28 just means something.

This year, I returned to work on June 28 after a 4-day weekend, and I tweeted a picture of my office and the adjacent studio control booth. The painting had been completed while I was out, so I was charged with the task of getting my office back together before I could begin working. No big deal. It gave me a chance to purge and reorganize - two things I absolutely LOVE doing! ☺

Since I started this job in 2008, I've had a 5x7 framed picture of an adorable 9-month-old (approximately) in my office that always drew attention from visitors. Since the summer of 2009, I've struggled with my desire to keep the picture in my office, and rationality. That's the summer when events unfolded that prompted me to begin my journey into total forgiveness. When I voiced this struggle with admiring visitors, they would typically reply with something like, "Well, it's ok. You love him, and there's nothing wrong with keeping his picture up". Still, a part of me continued to struggle on many levels.

On June 28, because of the state of my office, I was given the opportunity to make a decision. I replaced that picture. But not because of any ill feelings. Another definition of forgiveness that I heard recently is what prompted me to replace it. I heard Oprah quote this definition, and while searching for the original source, I've discovered that many people have an issue with it. I happen to love it. She said that many years ago, she heard someone say,

"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different."

That is what I was finally able to do! I've heard so many people say they also hate this saying, but in some cases, it's all that can be said: It is what it is, and I have learned to be ok with that. I really have. And it's quite liberating.

I'm at peace...

...which makes this picture a pretty fitting replacement, don't you think?

Lake Hiwassee, 2004

The Lord's Prayer

2011-06-25T13:16:00.004-04:00

As my Goodreads profile will prove, it took me way too long to finish reading this book, Getting Rid of the Gorilla by Brian Jones. I started it last September, when phase 2 of "Total Forgiveness" started.

As a side note, I actually decided earlier this year (beginning of March) that this journey was no longer for me at this point in my life. Anyone who has been following this blog since March of last year knows how much of a positive impact that group has had on me. I just felt it was time for me to focus my energy elsewhere.

During this refocusing, I picked up another book - a very different kind of book - that a friend gave me at the end of last summer, and I put this one down, with every intention of finishing it at some point. I finally did a few minutes ago, as I sat with my beloved, leisurely cup of coffee. As I said in my review on Goodreads.com, I really enjoyed the author's writing style, and I think it was a good book.

A few nights ago (as I was determined to finish before the end of the week, so I could start on my book for summer reading: Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?), one particular passage jumped out at me. Think what you want, and of course, I welcome your comments and opinions, but I think it's worth thinking about.

Pages 166-167:

(referring to the Lord's Prayer) ...Jesus said, "This, then, is how you should pray", not "This, then, is what you should pray." I've always thought it odd that certain religious groups encourage their people to pray the Lord's Prayer over and over again. They miss the point. The prayer, also called the model prayer, is an outline of what to pray about, not actual words to be prayed. It's like a cheat sheet to give structure to our prayer time so we pray for the right things in the right progression.

...there are six kinds of things Jesus tells us to include in prayer. Here they are in order:

Hallowed be Your name.

Your kingdom come.

Your will be done.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our debts.

Lead us not into temptation.

...We should start out a time of prayer by worshiping and honoring God; then we should focus our minds on the expansion of His rule in our lives. Next we should move on to asking Him to align our desires with His will. Next we should turn our attention to praying for specific things we need in life, and then we should ask for forgiveness for personal things...

...Personal forgiveness of sins against God, others, and ourselves ranks fifth in an outline of six things Jesus asks us to focus on in prayer...Until I was able to forgive myself, here's how my prayers usually started:

Dear God, please forgive me for _______.

Dear God, I'm so sorry that_______.

Dear God, I'm unworthy to talk to you today because _______.

What did all these prayers have in common? ME. They all started with me! It didn't matter that I was trying to deal with my sins; my prayers always began in a self-centered fashion. But what Jesus seems to be teaching us through the model prayer is that the most important thing we can do to get rid of the gorilla is to put our sins and guilt into proper perspective. The worship of God is paramount. Nothing should come in the way of that...

I'm pretty fascinated by this analysis, and it gave me something to think about. What about you?

When I was a teacher...

2011-06-03T09:14:00.000-04:00

I found this photo - in all of its 16" x 20" glory - outside of my office door yesterday morning. I believe this was from my first year at Trinity (2005). Fun (large) photos were displayed all over the building that year, to show students that teachers enjoy reading, that it's not just for students, etc.

Memories! ☺

Out in the Open

2011-06-02T08:24:00.001-04:00

I've seen this video all over Facebook for about the past week and a half. This post could easily turn into a dissertation, so for now, I'll just stick with posting the video, inviting comments, and refraining from calling out my 1st grade teacher by name (and Facebook profile link), who made my life miserable for not just one year, but two (I was lucky enough to get her again for 3rd grade)!! And did I mention that she's also dark-skinned? Self-hatred at its finest, ladies and gentlemen. Sad.

I just love the fact that this issue is so out in the open, exactly where it needs to be. It's a tear-jerker, but so true. So sad.

Tension

2011-04-05T19:53:00.002-04:00

Wanna know what that's all about?

Click on it!

Weekend Distraction

2011-04-03T20:19:00.002-04:00

Ok. Ok. So I may have blogged about anxiety a time or two. Just for kicks, enter the word "anxiety" in the search box at the top of my blog's page. ☺

I was completely overwhelmed with anxiety on Thursday morning, and by Friday afternoon, it had really peaked. I feared I would have an anxiety attack before the end of the weekend, so I re-channeled my energy and drowned myself in Dreamweaver and Joomla (and hung out a little with Mom and Aunt Sheila - thanks, guys!).

I would like to introduce my newly-designed website for Instar Creations!

I'm still working on some layout adjustments with a couple of the pages, but this is my first time building an entire site on the Joomla platform, and I'm super excited!

The "Websites" page ("Joomla" section) of my online portfolio explains the reason behind this redesign.

Feeling quite productive and a little less anxious. ☺

Torn Meniscus

2011-03-27T23:53:00.000-04:00

"The meniscus is a rubbery, C-shaped disc that cushions your knee." With a severe meniscus tear, "your knee may feel 'wobbly' or give way without warning." (Source: WebMD)

This past week, my co-worker gave an analogy using the meniscus. Her mother recently had knee surgery, and the doctor explained how, with a damaged/torn meniscus, every step is painful. You feel every little thing, because there is no cushion. It was then that she realized that she her emotional meniscus was torn.

So was mine.

This past week was BRUTAL. My emotional meniscus was GONE!! I sobbed uncontrollably, and while it was cathartic, it was draining. Beyond draining. All week, I was emotionally "wobbly" and I definitely gave "way without warning". I had conversations that I don't even remember. I was in such a fog.

Admittedly, most of the issues were not my own. If you know me at all, you know that I hurt for my family and close friends. I carry their burdens like they're my own, and there seem to be quite a few burdens right now. Not to mention the fact that last Tuesday, March 22 was Lizzie Mae Johnson's birthday. She's my grandmother. She would have been 75 years old. She left this world in 1987, when she was 51 years old. It's usually a rather somber time, but this year, it hit me particularly hard. It hit my mom harder than usual as well.

I watched "Army Wives" tonight, and I cried again. Sobbed. Then I received a text from my cousin (who I'm convinced is actually my twin sister, 2 years younger, but still separated at birth), saying, "I know u r over there with like 3 empty Kleenex boxes". She knows me well.

I think that was the last of it, though. I'm a little better now, I think. I hope. I decided to take a vacation day tomorrow. I hate Mondays, and the last 2 weeks have been very demanding, both personally and professionally.

Wanna laugh a little?
On Tuesday, I was crying so hard in my office, and the last thing I wanted was for someone to walk in. So I managed to make my way to the restroom down the hall without running into anyone. After composing myself, I decided to rinse my face with cool water...and banged my head against the faucet handle. I told my friend and co-worker about it a couple of days later, and she said, "Now that's one of those things that will make you stop and laugh or just send you even further over the edge." Guess which effect it had on me. Just look at the title of this post if you need a hint.

Here's hoping for a better week...

Celebratory Update?

2011-02-15T21:14:00.000-05:00

It's February 15. I can't count how many times I've uttered this date within the last year. I've marked the 15th with a celebratory tone for the last 12 months...all because of the above photo. These are the 400mg pills that I took daily for almost 2½ years. 8 of them every day. 3,200mg. Every. Single. Day. $350. Every. Single. Month. (well, not after I discovered a great Canadian pharmacy, and the patent ran out for the drug, so they finally started producing a generic form)

I started cutting back on the number of pills I was taking, and one year ago today was the last day one of these touched my lips, and I couldn't wait until today to shout it from the rooftops!! And here I am. SHOUTING!!!

But with some reserve.

It seems that I'm back on this frustrating roller coaster of searching for answers. A couple of months ago, I started noticing some minor troubling symptoms, and I contacted my gastroenterologist, who scheduled an endoscopy for last Friday (2/11).

Side note: I was sedated with propofol, and for the record, I'm shamefully admitting that I understand Michael Jackson. I totally get it! That stuff is GOOD! Apparently, I asked for more as I was waking up. ☺ Anesthesia usually makes me really sick after waking up. Not this stuff!

At this point, I still have no answers. I was NOT a pleasant person leaving the hospital on Friday. In short, I was pissed. I am beyond grateful that my doctor found no ulcers (which is what she suspected), bleeding, or cancer. But I'm also very frustrated that I went through all of that to come up empty-handed when I know something isn't right. She did recommend some next steps, which I'm still contemplating. I'm not sure what's next, but the bright side is that I'm still in the position of not needing those pills, and for that, I am very grateful. Looks like shopping primarily at Whole Paycheck (also known as Whole Foods) is worth it!

Admitting that my doctor suggested a diet change right after diagnosing me deserves its own post. Maybe later...

I Wish...

2011-02-09T18:42:00.001-05:00

It has been an extremely long day, one which I hope to wrap up soon. As I sit here in my office, simultaneously thanking and cursing the Moe's nutrition calculator after eating my dinner in front of my computer monitors, thoughts are running through my mind (when aren't they?). So I decided to write this post while I wait for a video to import.

I wish people knew me.

The fact that I feel like so many people don't is more my fault; I'm fully aware of that. For one reason or another, I shut myself off from people. I think most of us do, to a certain extent. I think I'm extreme, though.

What really made me realize this was a situation at work that began unfolding over a year ago. A co-worker had a very unfortunate, traumatic experience, and when I heard about it, I was so upset. I felt for her and I thought about her a lot! I never told her. Toward the end of last year, I received some great, celebratory news about her via mass email, and I literally screamed in my office. I was so excited for her! And I didn't tell her.

It took about a month for me to finally tell her. And I told her what I'm telling you. I told her that I know I come across as cold and uncaring, and I told her everything in the above paragraph. The sad thing is that when I asked to speak to her away from everyone else, she said, "Yeah. What's wrong?" I wasn't sure what to make of that, but I think that was another reflection of how I tend to come across. And I don't like that.

I wish people knew that I care.

People close to me know that I do. They know that I care deeply. I love hard. Your problems become my problems (maybe that's not so healthy). I think about my family and friends all the time...more than any of them realize, I'm sure. I guess I just haven't quite mastered how to show it. But I care...

Weather Woes

2011-02-03T18:45:00.001-05:00

As I sit here recovering from an incredibly stressful work-related ordeal, enjoying my tall Starbucks green tea, I feel the sand between my shoes and the floor, and I fear that it will NEVER disappear from the metro Atlanta area after our recent snow/ice storm!

What a perfect segway into this video! Not really. But I have been meaning to post this for a while. So what better time than now? This was in 2000, and I was attempting to visit my dad in California. If I recall correctly, I was unable to leave the day before due to flight cancellations, and this particular news broadcast was on the second day, after I had missed several flights. And true to tradition, both Mom and Aunt Sheila were with me at the airport. ☺ This was back in the days when they could still walk with me to the gate.

Side Note: Believe it or not, my mom actually used to walk me to my seat and sit with me on the plane for a while!!! Seems so unreal. I can't even IMAGINE that happening now. Sad how our world has changed.

The news package was much longer, but I did some editing, so we could get right to the point....ME. ☺

New Beginnings, Blah, Blah, Blah

2010-12-31T19:11:00.001-05:00

This is just one of the many images appearing on Facebook today. I mean, I like it. It's cute and all, but...

I'm so over it.

I really hate this time of year. The time between Christmas and New Year's Eve is just kind of depressing for me. It has been for as long as I can remember. I hate things coming to an end. I just do. It's hard for me to explain. Over lunch yesterday, my friend commented that she feels this way around her birthday, because it's like a reminder of what she still hasn't accomplished.

Brief commercial break: Check out this video. The videography is awesome, and I can relate. I believe most of you will as well.

But I digress.

I guess you can call me a New Year's Eve Scrooge. Whatever. Not only do I get a little sad about the end of another year (except for 2008. I GLADLY said goodbye to that year!!!); I also get tired of people talking about how wonderful the next year is going to be, and how "this is going to be 'the' year. I just know it. There's so much in store for me this coming year, blah, blah, blah..." Call me a pessimist, but didn't you say that last year? And the year before? And the year before that? And at the end of those same years, you talked about how you couldn't wait to see them go. Whatever.

I just feel like New Year's Eve and its celebrations bring too many expectations. I hate expectations. I don't like having them, and I don't like them imposed on me. Do I hope things go well next year? Absolutely. But am I setting myself up to believe that just because the last digit in the year changed, all of a sudden, the heavens will open wide and pour down millions of dollars upon my head and my life will be perfect? Um, not quite.

Believe it or not, I'm actually not in a bad mood right now. I had an awesome day!! I went to lunch with friends from high school, then happy hour with Stephanie, and now I'm home, relaxing, listening to music, and blogging. Earlier, I sent a video production to a client for review before her event next weekend, and she was in tears. That's always a good thing in my line of work!!! ☺ Today was great. Overall, things are going well. I would just rather skip all the fanfare of New Year's Eve. So...

Auld Lang Syne, my friends. Auld Lang Syne...

Church & Technology

2010-12-18T11:49:00.000-05:00

Lee and I have been attending this church (Impact) for a while (admittedly, not very regularly).

I'm sure you know my thoughts, if you know anything about me. I fully embrace technology in this setting, and I agree that it's not going anywhere. By the way, I got this link from the pastor's tweet last week. I think that's kinda cool.

What do you think?

Plight

2010-12-15T22:30:00.003-05:00

I stayed home from work today, because I felt a little under the weather when I woke up. Headache, sniffles, low-grade fever, soup, and old General Hospital episodes have all been close friends of mine today...and so have tears.

Today is Nala's 3rd birthday. It's been almost a year since she went to live with her new family, but I still miss her so much - many times, to the point of tears. And they flowed today. Perhaps it's because I'm already not feeling well, and the fact that it's her birthday doesn't help (although the irony is that she doesn't even know it's her birthday ☺).

As I've mentioned before, I used to have a complete lack of understanding for people who got overly emotional about their pets. And perhaps, people are feeling the same way about me while reading this. But all I can say is that I get it. I completely understand. Lee and I still haven't been to visit Nala since the day we left her with her new family. We're just not ready, and now, almost one year later, I wonder if I ever will be. I think about her all the time, and I still choke back the tears...except for today. I let them flow.

Last week. my sister-in-law posted this picture on Facebook. "Plight" was one of Diallo's (her son, our nephew) vocabulary words. His uncle, to whom he refers, of course, is Lee.

Yes, Diallo, the feeling of not having Nala living with us and missing her so much is a bad condition or situation. But it does help to keep reminding myself that her living situation is not. It's what's best for her, and she's so happy! ☺

Google Recognizing History

2010-12-12T14:30:00.001-05:00

December 1, 1955 is the day Rosa Parks was arrested in Montgomery, Alabama. If you use iGoogle* like I do, chances are you may have missed Google's home page image that day. Luckily, I tweet, and one of my friends mentioned it on Twitter. I thought it was pretty cool, so I thought I'd share:

* For those who don't know, iGoogle is a personalized Google page. This is mine, as it stands right now. It has Chat on the side, Calendar, Gmail, Date & Time, Weather, Daily Bible Verse, Reader, Things to Ponder, CNN, Top Stories, and Sudoku. Yeah, Google's pretty cool. ☺

Nostalgia

2010-12-05T15:21:00.005-05:00

There has been a trend this past week on Facebook, to change your profile picture to an image from a cartoon from your childhood. The instructions are along these lines:

This week, change your profile picture to an image from a cartoon from your childhood. The goal of the game? Not to have a single human face on Facebook, but an invasion of our collective childhood memories for a week. It's up to you to take action and to forward this message-- join the fun!

As the week went on, it turned into a campaign to raise awareness about violence against children, and the wording of the instructions changed slightly. Whatever the reason, it has been so much fun to see all of the pictures people have been posting, and to take a walk down memory lane!! There has been so much excitement exuding from people's comments, remembering long-forgotten cartoon characters and shows. It's pretty cool.

For the sake of posterity, I decided to compile all of the ones I've seen...and could relate to. There were definitely some that I couldn't quite relate to, which is also pretty funny, because this trend has made it pretty easy to tell the ages of your Facebook friends!☺

Do any of these take you back?


Beagle Boys	Care Bears

Charlie Brown	Darkwing Duck

David the Gnome	Fat Albert

The Flintstones	Fraggle Rock

Garfield & Friends	Gumbi

Gummi Bears	He-Man

Heathcliff	Inspector Gadget

Jem	Jessica ("Who Framed Roger Rabbit?")

The Jetsons	Maple Town

Mighty Mouse	My Little Pony

Paddington Bear	The Pink Panther

Pinky and the Brain	Popeye

Popples	Rainbow Brite

She-Ra	Smurfs

Strawberry Shortcake	Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Thundercats	Tiny Toon Adventures

Tom & Jerry	Winnie the Pooh

Woody Woodpecker	Wuzzles

Here are some that I thought of, but I have not yet seen posted:


Alvin & the Chipmunks	Camp Candy

Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers	Duck Tales

James Bond, Jr.	Muppet Babies

TaleSpin

I'm a domain!

2010-12-02T17:43:00.001-05:00

My online portfolio is live!

sharmainemitchell.com

Humor & Thanks

2010-11-25T12:32:00.003-05:00

Instead of the usual, "these are the things I'm thankful for" blog post, I decided to take my inspiration for today's post from my friend, Kalia*. I found her blog post HILARIOUS the other day, and I decided to share it.

Here, my friends, are the Toddler Laws of Property:

If I like it, it’s mine.
If it’s in my hand, it’s mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
If it looks just like mine, it’s mine.
If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.

So, my deep words of wisdom for this Thanksgiving day: While I'm sure we sometimes wish these laws still applied in our lives, they don't. But for whatever is actually yours, be thankful.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYONE!

* I know Kalia from Oglethorpe University. I wouldn't have called us "friends" during that time at all. Neither would she. I actually thought her crew didn't like me, but I'm sure it was because I expected them not to like me. In other words, I told myself they didn't before they had a chance not to. Make sense? I know. That's just me sometimes. Anyway, we've become Twitter friends within the last year or so, and it turns out that our past actually extends far beyond Oglethorpe, and we never knew it!! One day, she mentioned knowing Dwight Howard in a tweet, and I replied that I also know him from SACA. The two of them went to Fellowship of Faith, the church where SACA was "born". THEN, we discovered that she used to work at Gym South, where I cheered for two years!! ** Crazy, huh?

**Maybe it was three years. Mom's checkbook would remember.

Years

2010-11-23T17:59:00.000-05:00

All day yesterday, much like the morning of September 11, 2001, I kept thinking, "What is November 22? I know it's something." I wondered if it was someone's birthday that I just didn't have on my Google Calendar. Was it someone's anniversary? Then, around 11:20 PM, headed home on a dark, somewhat windy road, it hit me.

That was the day two years ago, when I just couldn't shake a bad feeling. The rest is history. Yes, TECHNICALLY, according to the police report and insurance claim, the actual incident occurred on November 23, not the 22. But the November 22 is what I remember. I wonder if I always will.

Like many people, I can't help but become reflective around this time of year. Sunday's noon news report was the catalyst for me. The anchors reminded us that that day, November 21, was the 4-year-anniversary of the shooting of Kathryn Johnston. As I stood in the kitchen loading the dishwasher, at the risk of awaking Lee, I proceeded to have a loud "conversation" with the news anchor. "WHAT?!?!?! It's been that long?!? No way!!!! Really????" It really didn't seem that long. It still doesn't. But as soon as I thought about it, it all fit. I vividly remember when the story broke. It actually caught my attention, because I know someone by the name of Kathryn Johnson (no 't' in her last name). I was getting ready for work in our townhouse, and that's when it hit me - AGAIN - how fast time truly passes.

Now, here I stand. Four years later. Two houses later. One advanced degree later. One career change later.

What's next?

What sums up your years? Are you satisfied?

Once is Enough

2010-11-19T09:15:00.005-05:00

I was in a kindergarten classroom one morning earlier this week, trying to get shots and sound bytes for this year's Annual Fund Holiday video. I was pretty stressed about not being able to get what I needed in time, but I cracked up when I got back to my office and imported this footage! This is one of the many reasons I love my job!

Of course, due to the nature of my job, I have to blur the children's faces out.

Face Time

2010-11-13T14:48:00.004-05:00

I just discovered Snap Bird, a wonderful new website that performs tweet searches! Very helpful if you're someone who has 6,261 tweets! I was able to find when I tweeted this:

That was on April 22 of this year. Professional photographers were on-hand during dinner time at Blue Moon Pizza to take photos for the website and other publications. We weren't paid to pose, but the owner did buy us drinks (after we signed the contract ☺). I honestly never expected to see the pictures anywhere, but while I was home one day a couple of months ago, I ran across this ad! ☺

Click to enlarge - We're the picture in the bottom, left corner. ☺

Then, as I was writing this post, I ran across the same picture on their website! Kinda nice to know we weren't in the "throw-away" pile. ☺

PING!

2010-10-28T10:28:00.007-04:00

I'm so beside myself! I posted "Step Off the Treadmill - Part 1" last night, around dinner time, and I woke up this morning to several emails, notifying me of comments made on the post. The very first comment was from the film's producer and co-director, Vicki Abeles!!!! ☺☺☺

She also retweeted the link to my post, and pinged it, which means she included a link to my post in her post. In this case, it was pinged on Facebook. She used it as a discussion starter, as you can see in the screenshot. But the neat thing is that some people are commenting on her post, and also taking the time to comment on my blog post!

It feels good to be heard. ☺

I'm baaaack!!!

2010-10-27T19:41:00.000-04:00

You realize you have to sing the title of this post, right? ☺

I haven't posted to my professional blog since shortly after I started it in 2008. Its ClustrMap tells that sad story. Last Thursday prompted me to begin posting again. Of course, there is no telling how long - or if - I will regularly post to it. But last Thursday was an eye-opener for me, in so many ways. Trinity co-sponsored a screening of Race to Nowhere at the LeFont Theatre in Sandy Springs. It was PACKED!! Literally. Thankfully, I bought our tickets in advance, because people were being put on a waiting list to get inside of the theatre!! I HIGHLY recommend seeing this film if you can, even if you don't have children, but especially if you do! It is simply amazing, and the discussion following resulted in a slew of notes that I couldn't possibly condense into one blog post, so my series begins...

"Step Off the Treadmill - Part 1"

Dress Code

2010-10-13T08:34:00.002-04:00

Click to enlarge.

I was looking back through some of my drafts, and I started this one almost two years ago, on October 24, 2008, hoping to start a discussion, and get some other perspectives. This place is now closed. It was located in downtown Atlanta, near Phillips Arena, and I loved it! But my question is...

Does this offend you?

I definitely find it controversial (hence, my decision to post it), but I think it can make for some interesting discussion. What do you think?

I Still Remember When 30 Was Old...

2010-10-12T11:09:00.002-04:00

Today is the last time I will turn twenty-anything! Wow. On my way to work this morning (before my parents called, almost at the same time), "Strawberry Wine" by Deana Carter was playing, ironically (my iPhone usually stays in "shuffle" mode). She begins verse two by saying, "I still remember when 30 was old..." Me too!! Funny how that happens.

I normally don't get too excited about my birthday. Quite the contrary. I'm usually fairly depressed up until that day, but this year, I planned a pretty big bash, partly because it's the last birthday I'll celebrate in my twenties, but for other reasons as well. My cousin and I were planning...um, a different kind of party for last Saturday night. Ladies only. ☺ We'd been planning it since June, but the plans kinda fell through. But I decided to keep the date, especially since my sisters-in-law had already made their flight arrangements to come celebrate with Lee and me.

We celebrated at Six Feet Under on Friday night, which is a favorite restaurant of mine and Lee's. Not only is it fabulous seafood, but the restaurant itself has come to have a significant meaning for me. Last year on my birthday, I was in the middle of a severe colitis flare-up, so I spent the entire weekend in bed. My birthday was on a Monday, which we had off, but I was in bed all day. By evening, I felt like I had to at least go to dinner. How pathetic if I didn't, right? At least in my mind. So we went to Six Feet Under, although it was very difficult to fully enjoy it. So how amazing is it that one year later, not only am I not suffering from a flare-up (which is typical with this condition, to suffer around the same time each year), but I have also been completely off of my medication since February 15!?! That's almost 8 months!!! Six Feet Under (that particular location) is also where Lee and I, thanks to prompting from our friends, Mike and Raven (with whom we were having dinner), ultimately made the decision to move from our old neighborhood, and that has been one of the best moves ever!!

We had a party on Saturday night at our house, which was catered by Mexico Lindo. Aside from the fall I took right before the party (followed by about 45 minutes of sitting with an ice pack on my knee), we had a great time. Lots of laughs with great people!!

Below are pictures from both events. Thanks to everyone for the great memories!! And thanks to Aunt Sheila, Uncle Richard, Aunt Paulette, and Lynnda for taking great pictures!!

Click on the image to view the pictures.

As fitting as it would have been, this was not our cake. ☺
I just like the picture.

I'VE BEEN PUBLISHED!

2010-09-20T16:02:00.000-04:00

The video I did for last year's Artists-in-Residence program at my job has been published on another website! After the company requested it, I edited it down to 10:31 to fit the needs of their website.

Click on the screen. On the Young Audiences site, select Visual Arts from the drop-down menu above the video screen. Within that section, the last 3 videos are mine (Artists: Jeff Mather, Katy DeMent, Pamela Beagle-Daresta).

Nine Years

2010-09-11T19:41:00.006-04:00

Just go to Google Images and enter "9/11", and you'll find countless images I could have used for this post. This is the one I chose, not because I'm tired and lazy from the nasty sinus infection that has had me at home for the last 4 days, and this was the first image that appeared in the search results, and I didn't feel like searching through thousands of images for the perfect one...well, not entirely because of that anyway.

I chose this image because it's ugly. It shows the hideous nature of what that horrid day, nine years ago, means for us. I didn't want the "Tribute in Light" memorial images. I didn't want the pretty red, white, and blue ribbon, adorned with the candles and the towers as symbols for the number 11. None of that. Don't get me wrong. Those images are touching, and some quite clever. I like them just fine. But I wanted the ugliness, the nastiness. It may seem like self-punishment, like I'm sure we all felt in the days, weeks, even months after it happened, when we couldn't tear ourselves away from the footage, regardless of how many times we had seen it. I just don't want to forget. Two years ago¹, I voiced my concern that as the years go by, we will all become more and more apathetic.

Earlier this week, I mentioned how I just felt weird about today, even before it approached. Earlier today, I actually said, "I hate today", and this is why...

September 11 fell on a Saturday in 2004, and I recall feeling the same way then. I feel like Saturday doesn't give this day what it deserves. I feel like it's so easy for everyone to go about their normal "Saturday" lives and forget, during the course of the day. Yes, I've seen countless "tributes" on Facebook and Twitter throughout the day, but it just feels different. Today got its "moment in the sun" yesterday...and I guess that's the part I don't like. World News did a piece on the children who were born that year, shortly after their fathers were killed. I saw/heard many other media outlets pay tribute as well. But that was all on September 10. I just feel some type of way about that.²

Am I the only one?

¹ That nine-year-old girl I mentioned in that post two years ago is doing remarkably well now!! It has been an extremely long road to recovery, and while it's not quite over, it warms my heart every single time I see her walking the hallways (even when she was doing so in a wheelchair)! She's such a little miracle!

² You can Google that ("I feel some type of way"). I'm not sure when or how that phrase became popular.

Time Warp

2010-08-29T20:50:00.002-04:00

To look at this snapshot of last week from my Entourage calendar, it looks like a fairly average week. Actually, it's quite below average for me, in terms of scheduled appointments. But like my best friend said on Friday, "This week has lasted about a month for me." I couldn't have said it better myself. And the interesting thing is that I've heard this same sentiment expressed by several people. Perhaps it was the full moon earlier this week? Who knows?

Whatever the reason, last week was the most exhausting, emotionally-draining roller coaster ride I've experienced in a long time..FOR such a long time. I felt like it was endless. I stood in the grocery store aisle on Thursday, and right around the time I reached can #7 of the incredible "10 for $10" sale on Campbell's soup, I seriously considered sitting down on the floor and just staying. Now that I think about it, I guess I could have planted myself on the bench at the pharmacy for a few hours. Note to self for the next time I have a week like this:

Countless research hours (since the week before last) on the best possible solution for a new school-wide procedure.

Dinner? Oh yeah. That. Well, no time. I'd rather sleep.

Email/status report sent to administration outlining best options for above-mentioned procedure.

Kudos. Cool. Feels good. Time to breathe.

New day. What's next?

Email I never expected to recieve.

Revelation, reconciliation, relief. Shock.

Approached by administration for a new project.

Cool. No problem.

It needs to be done in less than 24 hours.

Cool. No problem. BUT...

I'm not going to miss Lorie's Memorial Scholarship Reception. Well, every choice has a consequence.

Awake until 1:00 AM completing project.

Coffee. Lots of coffee. Finishing touches on project. More requests.

Email - Keshia's water broke!

It's also the day her father died. And the day Me-Mommy died.

Healthy baby boy arrives in the world!

Celebration!! August 26, once laden with bad memories, is now a good one.

Cool.

Last day of the work week! I made it.

Starbucks as a reward.

Can't finish it. Exhaustion finally wins. Nausea kicks in. Massive headache. Sends me home early.

My head is still spinning, and my body is still recovering from last week, and for the first time in a very long time, I am dreading going to work tomorrow. I always dread Mondays. I hate them with an extremely strong passion, but it is extremely rare for me to actually dread going to work.

But it's coming. In just a few short hours. Unfortunately the time warp doesn't seem to work when I actually want it to.

Dam

2010-08-05T11:11:00.001-04:00

Mine broke this week. My emotional dam. On Monday. It could have been my disturbing dream on Sunday night, which has been the cause of my reliance on sleeping pills ever since. Nevertheless, it was inevitable. Emotions can only be suppressed for so long, and that dam of suppression can be an absolute BEAST when it erupts. So it was with me on August 2. Heavy sobs, gasping for air, puffy eyes, and ending with a massive headache.

This is my childhood home, although it no longer looks quite like this. As a matter of fact, I wanted so desperately to post the picture that my childhood friend, Naomi, drew from her bedroom window across the street years ago, when the house was still its original blue color.

The past few months have been quite difficult, and it has been hard to get most people to truly understand. Of course I'm sentimental; most people would be. I used to follow a character on "General Hospital" on Twitter (don't judge me ☺), who reminded me that I'm not alone. In April she tweeted, "Just returned from a wonderful weekend at home in Okc...our house is under contract...kind of sad but my parents are happy" [link]. I can relate...partially. At least in my case, family is living there. I'm more than thrilled about that, so it's not being invaded by strangers. But it's still not quite the same.

When Mom first told me she was seriously thinking about moving, I fought it tooth and nail (internally). I refused to think about it. I didn't want to talk about it. Period. Then she found the house. Then she closed. Then she called the phone company to have her phone number transferred. Couldn't do it.

What?

In my mind, that phone number and that house were a package deal. Period.

This is probably how it will always be in my mind. The very next morning, I called and got the "this line has been disconnected" message, and my heart sunk. How could it just be that easy to erase our number? MY number. It's just gone? Like that? I cried. During the few months of heavy renovations, Mom relied solely on her cell phone, and I can't begin to count the number of times I have dialed the old home phone number in the past few months. I still do. It's instinctual. I have yet to delete it from my BlackBerry. I probably never will.

On Good Friday, Rachael and Patrick were in town to prepare their house to be put on the market. When I walked in that night, the emptiness was overwhelming. It probably wouldn't have affected me had I not known and experienced it as their home within the last couple of years. That's the feeling I experienced every time I went to Mom's house since March. Seeing things in boxes, seeing myself being deleted from my bedroom (no, I still hadn't moved all of my stuff out since I moved out), seeing bare walls that once held our photos.

I think it's understandable why I would be sentimental, but it's deeper than that. This house has been my refuge, in ways that I can't quite put into words without offending some people. I have mentioned, in past posts, that I worked very hard on forgiving someone who caused a lot of pain in the past. Returning to this home was always a welcome sight and an indescribably warm feeling. Perhaps that will shed some light on why this has been so difficult. This house is so much more than just the place I grew up.

It's been an adjustment, and anyone who knows me knows I am no fan of change. I've definitely shed lots of tears in the last few months, but during the past week or so, I've been too busy and exhausted to cry. Business, exhaustion, and suppression were all smothering my emotions, and the dam finally broke. I think I'm still recovering from that flood. Being emotionally drained is exhausting.

But to new beginnings, right?

I've added more pictures to the "Mom Moving" album. It's therapeutic.

Whirlwind

2010-07-31T12:10:00.001-04:00

This week has been an absolute blur. I have been seriously procrastinating when it comes to writing about an issue I have been struggling with for the past few months, for fear of the emotions I know will arise once I put pen to paper (or fingers to laptop keyboard). So the procrastination continues...

But for now, a factual account will suffice. My mom moved this week, from the house she purchased when I was 4 years old. We tackled closets on Tuesday, since the painter needed to paint. and we moved everything else on Thursday and Friday.

My aunt, uncle, and cousin are all moving in to Mom's old house, so while she was moving out, she was also giving the house a face lift (while also renovating her new house - HEADACHE for all involved, I assure you). So while we (and movers) were in and out moving things, there was a party, complete with a contractor, painter, plumber, carpet cleaners, house cleaners, and a host of other characters in this drama that would unfold Thursday afternoon.

After meeting the movers, loading/unloading cars, taking a lunch break, moving things out of the way for cleaners, Mom, Aunt Sheila, and I decided to go get ice cream. Since we found ourselves somewhat close to Mom's new house, we decided to go unload Aunt Sheila's car. As we finished and prepared to return to the old house, Mom's cell phone rings. It's the contractor.

The house is on fire.

The plumber was soldering a pipe, and the flame from the torch jumped and caught on to the insulation in the laundry room. When we turned onto the street, we wondered if the house was still standing, because there were 4 engines, a ladder truck, the chief's truck, and an ambulance. But we were assured by one of the fire fighters that it looked worse than it was. They had to send the whole department, because they needed enough people on hand to relieve each other.

The damage was minimal, and thank God the fire department is only about ¼ mile from the house. The fire chief said that it helped tremendously, as they were able to stop it before it did too much damage.

What a physically and emotionally draining day!

Oh. And I tried to avoid eye contact with the firefighters. Some of them have seen me half naked (fall down the stairs and a yellow jacket sting years ago). Let that be a lesson. Stay decently dressed when you're just "hangin' around the house". You never know what can happen! ☺ Here are the rest of the pictures.

Records

2010-07-28T08:31:00.002-04:00

Unless my check is received in full immediately, I give them no choice but to take the necessary steps to protect their client's best interest. Don't you love the oh-so-subtle beginnings of bullying? (Insert eye-rolling emoticon here.) Here's the response I just put in the mail.

(Click to enlarge)

Are we really going to play this game? Do they not know I'm the queen of record-keeping, spreadsheets, and the like? Just ask the IRS, who held on to my refund (one of the years I actually DIDN'T get screwed by them), until they received "proof" of my $5,518.96 worth of medical bills. You mean the spreadsheet, including an attachment of 21 pages of photo-copied corresponding receipts? Enough proof for you?

My refund came less than a week after they received that "package". ☺ I am my parents' daughter...

Shut Up

2010-07-27T13:17:00.004-04:00

On my built-in vacation day from my well-paid, dependable, salary-based job that includes benefits and perks, I watched last Sunday's Dateline episode (7/25/10), and I hung my head in shame.

Some 40 million Americans – including one in five children – are now living in poverty. For a family of three, that means living on less than about $18,000 a year.

A power cable strung from a neighbor’s trailer gives them electricity. But something much more valuable is lacking: running water. Every time they need to take a shower, use the bathroom or do their laundry, they walk 40 yards across the dirt to their neighbor’s trailer.

Today, only the luckiest have jobs....On $7.30 an hour, in a good week she takes home just over $200. Other weeks, she’s making just $130.

Dateline NBC: "Friends and Neighbors", by Ann Curry - 7/25/10
Full transcript

Next time I feel the urge to complain about my "problems", I will think of Daniel Zimmerman. "With nothing in his pocket, Daniel took his boys to get free clothes, and then he started having desperate thoughts. He started thinking they might be better off without him, living on supplemental security income."

Daniel: If I wasn’t here, they’d get SSI from me.
Ann Curry: So what are you saying?
Daniel: That I’m worth more dead than alive.

So although I jokingly said, "No, thank you" this morning to the mechanic who said, "$142.95" as he reached for my debit card, I thank God that we were able to pay for a new battery for Lee's 2005 over-sized SUV that is worth more than these people make in one year. I'm thankful for the mess in my house that I have to clean up. All that stuff is what I wasn't forced to sell just to feed mouths in my house. I'm thankful for my most recent medical bill, which is only a fraction of the total cost, thanks to health insurance, something these people can't even think about at this point in their lives. I'm thankful for the piles of laundry we seem to be drowning in. At least we're able to store all of the clothes that we clearly don't need in our house, and not outside in our cars, because we only have a 30-foot camper to live in (see story of Anita Hayes and her family).

Through it all, Jim Skipper says, "We try to be grateful for what we have and, you know, just look to the future. Because it could be worse." He's right; it could be. But for crying out loud, would I feel that way in his position, bringing home only $100 a week, trying to support 4 people? Yet, I have the nerve to complain.

I realize there are COUNTLESS neighborhoods/communities in America much like this one, perhaps even worse, but this is one story that resonated with me, along with the story of Cordette Grantling of Detroit, Michigan, who brings home $203 every two weeks, while supporting 3 children. THAT'S $406 EVERY MONTH!!

I strongly encourage you to take the time to watch this story, or at least read the transcript. I'm transferring this broadcast to DVD, to help keep things in perspective, and to remind me to shut up when I decide to complain about my "oh-so-terrible" life.

How to help

[Side note: Bon voyage to my friend & former colleague, Dianne, who is flying to Beijing, China today to begin a new adventure with her family!!]

Gone

2010-07-20T10:50:00.003-04:00

Last Thursday (7/15), Lee and I said "goodbye", and not a tear was shed!! As fun as it was, this car was a huge money pit, and I'm so glad it's finally off of our hands...not to mention, out of our garage!

Before we knew the headache we were in for...

Lee enjoying his new toy.

Aunt Sheila going for a drive

And I won't even discuss the condition it was in when it was returned to us after being leased to someone for a year. SMH

Putting a Face on Worry

2010-07-12T21:56:00.003-04:00

(Click button on far right to view full screen.)

A few months ago, on April 19, I couldn't sleep. I was extremely worried. My mind was all over the place. So I grabbed my handy dandy BlackBerry (which as most people know, is rarely more than a foot away from me) and I wrote down everything that was worrying me. The note was entitled "Concerns/Worries, 4.19.10", and I separated my worries into three different categories. I'm a very visual person, and my thinking was that typing it all out would help to organize my thoughts, so that I could sleep, and/or that it would show me that there really wasn't that much to be concerned about, and/or that what I was concerned about really wasn't so monumental.

(My Tweet from that night)

The next night (April 20), I copied and pasted that list and "edited" it. I was able, in less than 24 hours, to delete four items from the largest category (my tweet). Interesting, huh? Just goes to show that usually, there is no reason to waste time worrying about some things...most things. Our minds are so powerful and we have this amazing ability to blow things way out of proportion. I revisited/edited the list again five days later (April 25), and in classic Sharmaine fashion, I deleted one worry from one category, but added three to the first one, the very same one from which I had deleted four just five days prior!! SMH (that stands for "shaking my head", for those who don't know)

Fast forward a little more than a month, on June 11, and I just happened to be scrolling through my notes in "MemoPad" (BlackBerry app) and I came across these lists, and lo and behold, I was able to delete all but one.

All.

But.

One.

And truth be told, that one wasn't even a true "worry". It was and is something that is on my mind, but it's ALWAYS on my mind. It's a constant struggle for me, and perhaps that will be revealed in a future blog post. Perhaps.

Putting a face on worry definitely helped me, and chronicling it is even more valuable. Maybe it will help someone else. I now keep the "real" lists in my Google Docs, so that I can go back and look at them later if I need to. But this video alone shows how pointless most of our worrying is. Am I past my worrying days? Ha!!! Not at all. I'm the queen of worrying and stressing for no real reason. I know this, and I'm not proud, because honestly, it just shows how weak my faith is. I can admit that.

Can you?

Not in the Equation

2010-06-23T09:11:00.002-04:00

"It has nothing to do with me."

During the last (AMAZING) session of my "Total Forgiveness" group, these words were repeated several times as someone shared a story about a professional relationship. They kept echoing in my head, and I while I kept trying to connect it to my own story, another part of me was screaming, "But Sharmaine, it DOES have to do with you! THAT was personal! You can't get much more personal than that. That was a direct slap in the face. This is not the same kind of thing. Your situation is different. You have to somehow figure out what's wrong with you that caused them to do that." I think I wanted to give myself an excuse to continue holding on to it. I'm not entirely sure.

That was about a week ago. Fast forward about 4 days, and I'm hit with a virus that had me in bed for 4 days. And I thank God for it. It's amazing how He works. It was during this time that I was able to catch up on the 40+ episodes of 20/20 and Dateline. One particular episode of 20/20 really opened my eyes. It was called "Mother's Little Helper" (original air date: 5/1/10). My epiphany goes far beyond the surface of this topic, so regardless of how it may seem, I'm not putting anyone on blast for alcoholism (As a matter of fact, alcohol doesn't even play a part). ☺

I also don't wish to blatantly point fingers and put people on blast for other acts which I'm still struggling to forgive, but I do wish to share what truly helped me. It may help someone else. This particular woman said something in her interview, and the words from last Tuesday's session immediately came back to me: It has nothing to do with me. It really doesn't. Words can't BEGIN to describe how liberating that realization is!!

Have I completely reached the point of total forgiveness in this situation? NO. I won't even fake the funk. But I can say that my load feels SO much lighter. SO MUCH LIGHTER!!!!!

And you know what? More times than not, it really has nothing to do with you. Really.

(I'm still trying to shake a pretty nasty virus, but I truly thank God for sitting me down long enough to be able to really focus on that episode. This calls for a little celebration, I think. ☺)

Journey

2010-06-16T09:25:00.000-04:00

"I was tired of being so angry."

"I was tired of crying myself to sleep every night."

I heard these words spoken on Tuesday, June 1, toward the end of the 7th session of "Total Forgiveness". I almost had to check to be sure I didn't blurt them out myself. They are the very reasons I chose to begin this journey.

Last night ended Phase I, and it was POWERFUL!! Tears flowed, burdens were released, and enlightenment was shared. Phase II begins in August, during which we will "dig a little deeper". This has truly been an enlightening experience, and there are things with which I continue to wrestle, in terms of how we are to properly deal with forgiveness. But as we were told at the outset, we will not reach total forgiveness at the end of 8 sessions. Thank goodness. I would have failed miserably.

During the 7th session, we were each given an image and instructed to write an essay for homework. Here's mine:

I see a wounded heart, one that is not only being tugged in different directions, but one being left with scars from the tugging. This heart is vulnerable; it’s soft. The clamps are strong; I’ll call them “transgressions”. They are small, yes, but they are hard, ruthless, sharp, unrelenting, and they are leaving deep wounds. The heart has made an attempt to cover, but the bandage’s size is no match for the many transgressions. “Covering” simply isn’t working. The bandage itself is misplaced! It isn’t even addressing the root(s) of the problem, the points at which the transgressions are making their marks. It’s simply attempting to cover the “face” of the heart. Some mask.

Look closer. There are seven “wounds”, making this image the epitome of forgiveness. This makes me think of the conversation Jesus had with Peter in Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV) – Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” [22] Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Even at seven times, look at the damage done to this heart! Isn’t Jesus asking way too much? Not quite. Not at all. Think Good Friday…

Nevertheless, attempting to keep that in the forefront of one’s mind doesn’t diminish the hurt others can inflict on our hearts. They leave wounds. They leave marks. They leave scars. But they can heal...IF the transgressions are released first. This heart will never have a chance to heal as long as these transgressions are gripped so tightly. Will we let them continue to maintain their hold?

Well, will we? I'll answer that one for myself a little later...

Should've Known Better

2010-06-11T19:51:00.001-04:00

I'm a swimmer. I have a swimsuit.

This is my swimsuit on cheap.

Any questions?

I should've known. I really should have. As many years as I've been swimming, and as many swimsuits as I've bought (well, I can't take FULL credit. Mom bought most of them! Thanks, Mom!! ☺), I knew better. I told myself, a long time ago, never to buy this brand again. Ever. At the risk of being sued, I'll refrain from mentioning the specific brand, but I will be more than happy to share if you really want to know. You may actually be shocked.

Today is June 11. I bought this swimsuit on June 2. I took this picture yesterday (June 10). On June 3, I was in the locker room changing, and a lady commented that she had the same swimsuit. Then she said, "Well, mine is really faded. It's actually gray now. But it's the same one." She then proceeds to put hers on. I looked at it and thought, "Um, yeah. It might be time for a new swimsuit." *Insert conceited hair flip* (not really, but you get the general tone of that thought) Fast forward about 3 days later, and you have the above picture. Nice.

I folded the top over, so the contrast between its original color and its current color can be seen. R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S. I just got caught up, looking at the price tag. As usual, you get what you pay for! "GOTsta be mo careful!!" (That phrase cracks me up.)

By the way, I love that song by Monica.

Here We Go Again

2010-06-10T09:20:00.004-04:00

Some of you may remember the scam I almost fell victim to in 2007 related to renting our townhouse. Well, it seems people never quit. I received this in the mail yesterday (as with all pictures in my posts, click to enlarge)...

Yep! That's right! I'm the winner of a sweepstakes that I didn't even enter! Sweet, huh? All I have to do is deposit this check for $998.52 and send them $898.67 back, in order to cover "the applicable taxes and the winner's certificate issuance cost". Simple, huh? Read the letter below for more details (click to enlarge). Although it doesn't say in the letter, of course they will want this money wired in cash, and not in the form of a check. This is so transparent, it's almost laughable, if I didn't know that there will be people who will fall for this. Just like with the other scam, my bank would "accept" this check, and more than likely, it wouldn't bounce until later, after I've already taken out the cash and sent it to these low-life idiots with no boundaries. What I would love to know is why their "offices" are in Los Angeles, but the postage clearly says this came from Canada.

Need I point out the other blazing red flags?

Under My Belt

2010-06-04T10:00:00.031-04:00

Disclaimer: I forgot that I had set today (June 3) as the publish date for Tears Dry. So I'll actually be publishing this post for tomorrow, June 4, although I'm writing as if it's June 3...because it is! ☺

This is my year (2009-2010 school year).

I finished the DVD for this year's graduation ceremony this morning, and left it at the front desk for copies to be made. That's it for video production until August! It's kinda hard to believe that I have held this position for 2 years!! There have definitely been some challenges...ok, MANY challenges, but I have truly enjoyed them (as much as I griped sometimes). I have experienced so much growth since the day I accepted this position. This year, especially, I was pushed so much, from a technical standpoint, and was able to accomplish things that I never thought I would be able to!!

One of the versions of the Annual Fund Appreciation Video included a "clickable" link at the end of the video. It was DIFFICULT and extremely time-consuming, as many sites/articles warned, but I DID IT!!
I was pushed to use my Adobe Fireworks training almost immediately after taking the course, to incorporate an element on our home page to make it more efficient for our parents.
I "tweaked" the section of our website for our huge annual fundraiser, to reflect next year's theme. That took some SERIOUS coding!!

This job continues to challenge me, and that's the part I LOVE!!! I can't even begin to express how good it feels to receive a request and not have to submit it to our web developer (who, by the way, jokingly offered me a job earlier this year, when I figured out something they weren't able to ☺).

I still don't consider myself much of a people person. I get easily annoyed at work, because a lot of my tasks require intense concentration and it's a nuisance when I'm interrupted. I still hate mornings, and I've come to the realization that I love my job and BEING at work, but I HATE the process of GETTING there...mainly the sound of the alarm clock. UGH!!!

All in all, I remain so incredibly grateful for being blessed with a job that I truly enjoy, even though more times than not, it means being behind the scenes and not being recognized for my work, but I'm ok with that; I had to BECOME ok with that. The ugly truth is, people don't really have a clue what I do until something goes wrong, like the day our ENTIRE website went down 8 days after school began during my FIRST year in this position. It was through no fault of mine, but that tiny detail certainly didn't matter during the 4 hours it was down! Oh, well. Comes with the territory of "Webmaster"...or "Webmistress" as one parent said.☺

Well, here's to a summer of database/directory overhauls, class page reconfigurations, website updates/additions, and file/photo deletion! On to year #3...

Tears Dry

2010-06-03T13:00:00.000-04:00

This is my tear-stained pillow on January 24 of this year, after Lee forwarded an email to me from Alcovy Pet Rescue, saying they had found a foster home for Nala. My tears were uncontrollable that night. That is NOT the way I wanted this to play out, and fortunately, that's not how it did. You may remember that Nala is now living with my co-worker/friend, and in addition to lots of funny stories, we receive some cute pictures from time to time, all of which help confirm that we made the right decision. It's so heart-warming. Lee and I both miss Nala dearly. Her pillow still sits in the hallway outside of our bedroom. But we couldn't have asked for a better outcome. I'm so incredibly grateful!

(Click to view more recent pictures.)

Nala and Chief are thick as thieves, and I hear she can be quite the mischievous one. As I mentioned in February, one of the biggest concerns was Chief's size, but Nala continues to hold her own, and the two are inseparable. Benny gets in there from time to time, but Chief and Nala are so much closer in age...and energy level! ☺

I love being able to see progression. Back in January and February, I could barely look at Nala's pictures without getting choked up. There's still a little lump in my throat now, but it's not as unbearable, especially since I know how happy she is!!

Still Stings a Little

2010-05-19T13:23:00.002-04:00

I can't believe it's been almost a year since we packed up and left our old neighborhood in the wind!! I have absolutely NO regrets. NONE. In case I wasn't clear, NONE!!! Nothing compares to being able to live in peace, to not feeling the need to have a firearm nearby while cooking dinner, or watching a movie, or walking to the mailbox.

However, last Wednesday evening, I received a phone call from my mom that stung just a little...ok, a lot...kinda.

This is one of the buildings on the property across the street from our old house. Those familiar with the Atlanta area probably recognize it. It's located on Lakewood Fairgrounds. When we bought our house in 2007, there were talks of moving Zoo Atlanta to this property, which of course piqued a lot of interest in people. There were many other RFPs (requests for proposals) that followed, all of which were denied for one reason or another. Almost the entire time we lived in that neighborhood, I kept updated on this land's development, not only with the hopes of our property value increasing, but with the hopes of our developer finishing the other 25 homes that were promised. In turn, the crime would decrease because of the presence of more homes and more people. This was my hope. Well, of course, my hopes were shattered, as were the hopes of many others.

But since last Wednesday, this story has been on the news every single day, taunting me and teasing me. And quite frankly, it's been pissing me off. NOW we want to develop this piece of land and provide 1,000 jobs. NOW we want to "revive" the Lakewood area. NOW we want to actually give a crap. And what makes it even more irritating is the fact that this has been on the table for at least 3 years, and not once did ANYONE say ANYTHING to us about it! It wasn't ever mentioned on any of the websites with the other RFPs, none of the city officials at our neighborhood meetings uttered a word about it, NOTHING!

I literally felt sick to my stomach, even though I was simultaneously asking myself, "Sharmaine, would you really have stayed knowing this?" I immediately sent a text to Mike and Raven. Within minutes, Mike called, cool as a cucumber. He wasn't the least bit upset. He and Mom both made a lot of sense. A good investment really isn't worth our safety. And it's been almost a year since we left, which means had we stayed, it would have been this long before we even started HEARING about this, and there's no telling how long it's going to be before it all comes to fruition. Mike also isn't convinced that it's really going to help with the crime anyway. AND he reminded me that our houses are now not even worth a THIRD (yep, you read that right) of what we paid for them! So imagine how long it's going to take for them to get back to their original value. Would we have wanted to try and stick it out that long? COULD we have? Not likely.

But knowing all of this, and being the logical, linear thinker I am, I have to admit that it still stings. Just a little.

This seems like an appropriate place to post this nice little photo. This is our lovely house. I took this picture about a week and a half ago. That's one of the dining room windows. (If I had the courage, I would love to take pictures of the inside, since it has been literally stripped.) Now, what I would like to know is who put up the board??? Maybe it was one of the considerate crackheads and/or burglars who also closed the back door behind them after they kicked it in and stole our laptops. I'm just sayin'.

Here's Why

2010-04-20T10:23:00.002-04:00

Last Friday, I hurt someone's feelings when I told her why I didn't like talking on the phone. It came out the wrong way...completely, and I felt terrible!! I still do. But during my apology, I was able to finally voice all the reasons why I HATE talking on the phone. I will text, carry on a BBM (BlackBerry Messenger) conversation, chat (ONLINE), Facebook, and tweet all day long. But I HATE talking on the phone. It's nothing personal...in most cases.

I HATE being interrupted. I think it's so incredibly rude in any conversation, face-to-face or otherwise. But it seems to happen much easier on the phone because you can't see the other person, to know when (s)he may be finished and/or starting to speak.

I HATE when people just won't get off the phone. If I do the "goodbye" song and dance 3 or 4 times, and I'm still not off the phone with you, don't expect a phone call from me any time in the near future.

I hate when I can't really hear the other person or vice-versa. This is probably the reason that will clarify things for a lot of people, especially those who knew me when I had no problem talking on the phone. Since mobile phones made their grand entrance, this problem is so much worse. Usually people are out and about, so there's a ton of background noise, or the connection is bad on someone's end (if not both), or they're talking to someone else, which brings me to the next reason...

If you're talking to me on the phone, then TALK TO ME ON THE PHONE, and not to everyone else around you...ESPECIALLY if you called ME.

I hate the obligatory "uh-huh, mmm-hmm" because the other person can't see your face but still needs to know you're listening.

I hate when I call and immediately after the person says, "Hello", (s)he says, "Hold on". If you weren't ready to talk to me, then you shouldn't have answered.

Now, I typically talk to my mom everyday, but even she understands there are days when we just have to do the "How's-it-going-My-day-sucked-I-read-your-tweet-today-Just-checking-in-Have-a-good-evening-Talk-to-you-later-Love-you" conversation and keep it moving. So please know that it's not personal (again, in MOST cases). I just don't like the phone. Period. Like I told the person last Friday, I'm trying to get better, only because I know that some people prefer to communicate that way, but that in no way means that I am going to start absolutely loving it. But I will tolerate it from time to time for people I care about.

Sense of Accomplishment

2010-04-19T09:00:00.004-04:00

Last week, I did an audio recording in the studio with a group of students and their music teacher, to prepare for this morning's Earth Day assembly. Our super creative music teacher changed the words to Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror", to convey messages about being more environmentally conscious. During the recording of "Kid in the Mirror", there were countless takes, needless to say, but it was so precious. (Of course, I'm a little biased, because "Man in the Mirror" is my favorite song.) Below is a picture I took while they were singing (Their faces are blurred; you know the nature of my job.), along with the audio from the very end of the song. After almost an hour, they got all the parts they were struggling with, and I left the recorder on as I led them in screams of joy. The energy in the studio at that moment was amazing, and it was so cool to see how happy the kids were. These are some of the moments I truly love about my job. ☺

Easter

2010-04-15T14:59:00.001-04:00

Ok. So I'm a little late. Easter was almost 2 weeks ago. Below is the link to the pictures.

Click to view pictures

Along with dinner each year, I put a lot of work into my cakes. This year, Lillian (who always comes ☺) suggested that I take pictures of all of them, so here they are (below)!!! I'm really more of a cook than a baker, but I enjoy doing these cakes every year. After this year's dinner, I posted a few pictures on Facebook, and Lillian said, "So the question is... what color will your cake be next year?" Hmmm....

A Great Trip

2010-04-14T23:07:00.002-04:00

I really can't think of a more appropriate title for this post. This past weekend was absolutely WONDERFUL!! We went to Texas to visit my cousin, her husband, and their two kids. Reading that sentence makes it sound like a mere "family visit", but Archorah (aka "Cho") is so much more than a cousin!! She's the best friend anyone could ask for!! Let's put it this way: the responsibility of #1 on this list would belong to her and Stephanie. They would be the ones to retrieve my diary and keep it hidden upon my death. I'm just sayin'. ☺

I was so honored when Cho asked us to be her first child's God-parents. Now, Nya is 4 years old, and has a little sister, Mari! Time truly flies. We flew to Texas for their birthdays (which are 4 days apart) this past weekend. Those who know me know that I am extremely sentimental, so I was THRILLED when the same hat we bought for Nya's 1st birthday was also used for Mari's 1st birthday. ☺

As I mentioned in my last post of 2009, I let last year come and go without making a real effort in strengthening my relationship with Nya. 2008 (Cho knows what I TRULY feel about 2008) and 2009 were slightly chaotic, to say the least, and I was distracted and self-absorbed. Meanwhile, time didn't stop. Nya kept growing, and I missed it. That's a huge part of why this trip was so fantastic!! It was so great just to hug her, and play with her, and talk to her, and just BE with her!!

If I were reading this, I would probably be thinking, "Dang! Well, what about her sister?" Of course, we love Mari! We love her just as much as Nya. However, just take a look at the picture below. (Nya's dedication ceremony - July, 2006) THIS is what we shared with Nya. We have been blessed with the title of her God-parents, and I can't express how much it means!! Mari is kind of like our God-daughter by default, meaning that what we do for Nya, we do for her. We just don't have the "official" title.

I'm still "recovering" from this trip (with a smile on my face), so I apologize for its lack of cohesiveness. Below are more pictures from the trip, and since today is actually Mari's 1st birthday, I feel it's only fitting to use this graphic:

Click to view pictures

Change

2010-03-16T22:47:00.001-04:00

The one thing in life that's constant is change.

To be brutally honest, I hate that phrase. I've never been a huge fan of change, good or bad. The anxiety alone nearly takes me out...every time. I love routine; it's my friend. Monotony is my middle name. Well, actually, even that's starting to change...just a little! No one should get overly excited. But enough of that tangent. The word "change" actually came to mind for a different reason today.

Click to enlarge

I found this in my office today. I guess it would be more accurate to say that I paid attention to it. It's been lying on my bottom shelf since the summer of 2008, when I started this position. (I don't really know what else to do with it...besides blog about it)When I started working at Trinity, all new employees were asked to create a square, to become part of a "quilt". Our squares were to represent us, and introduce us to the larger community. This "quilt" hung on the wall of the lounge for most of that school year, and the squares were later returned to us.

When I looked at this today, I couldn't help but notice how much things have changed since 2005, when I designed this square. If I were to design a square today, I'm sure it would look nothing like this. To be quite honest, I'm not real sure how it would look (but that's another blog post of its own). I'm still married, but would I have included two wedding photos? Would they be these particular photos? I'm still close to Mom and Aunt Sheila, but would this picture be the one I chose? Would I have included this cheerleading picture? Would I have included a cheerleading picture at all? Would I have even chosen to further decorate the square with frilly little silk white roses? And OMG! I can't even remember the last time I crocheted or cross-stitched!

So much has changed since this square was created. So much. Do I still know this Sharmaine? Do YOU still know this Sharmaine? Would I rather be this Sharmaine? Or am I comfy with the miles of progression? Hmmm.....

Release

2010-03-12T12:34:00.003-05:00

Pretty balloons, huh? I thought so. I look at balloons quite differently since this past Tuesday night. I joined a group at the church Lee and I have been attending. There were several choices, and without hesitation, I joined the one called "Total Forgiveness". If you think back to my post, Take Your Seat, it's easy to see that I still have some work to do in this area. I'm a long way from being over the events that unfolded near the end of last summer. If I'm being honest, I'm not totally over events that unfolded almost 8 YEARS ago! So, yes, "Total Forgiveness" was the right choice for me. We're reading the book, Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall, and meeting for the next few weeks. I can already tell it's going to be quite a ride, and I'm so ready for it.

During our meeting, we were each given a balloon. We were instructed to blow into the balloon after each applicable statement. Here we go...

Blow if you still feel anger towards this person or people who caused you pain...
Blow if you've lost sleep over this person and the situation...
Blow if you've ever thought about doing bodily harm to this person...
Blow if you have wished bad things would happen to this person...

There were more statements, most of which I can't remember. But I can say that I was starting to get a little nervous about the state of my little orange balloon that wasn't quite so little by the end of all of this. The point of it all? What if those statements did continue with everything we had possibly been feeling and carrying around? Eventually, there's nowhere else for it all to go. That balloon is definitely going to pop. Period.

I have two main things I need to focus on throughout this journey, but one has consumed my life and my thoughts for the past 8 months, and it has worn me down. Meanwhile, while my balloon is at its breaking point, these two people couldn't care less about me and my feelings. It's time for ME to deal with this, and what I found most interesting while I was reading is the notion that forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean reconciliation. "It takes two to reconcile, and there must be a total willingness on both parts." (Chapter 1, Total Forgiveness) I should have known that, considering the fact that after a very long journey, I was able to reach a state of forgiveness for something that anyone would consider quite serious/significant, and there was no reconciliation involved. In fact, there was lots of denial. But I expected that, and I am ok with it...still. It was for me, and it felt wonderful to let it go, to completely release it.

Perhaps these other two situations are still too fresh? I don't really know, but it was time for me to start this journey...for ME.

If Jesus can forgive crucifixion, surely we can survive and find a resolution.
Let's keep it moving
Let's shake free this gravity of resentment and fly high and fly high...
You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgment and fly high and fly high...
Let's keep it moving
Let's shake free this gravity of commitment and fly high on the wings of forgiveness.
(Wings of Forgiveness, India Arie)

Maybe one day, I can sing the words to the song, and actually mean:

"After everything that we've been through, I just want you to know that I still love you."

Life Is What You Make It

2010-03-10T12:01:00.000-05:00

Click to enlarge

This is another collage created by a Facebook application. Like the collage in my Sleep post, I also did this one at the end of 2009. So many things run through my mind just looking at this. Once again, look how many times sleep was referenced, in one way or another, in my status updates (awake, bed, exhausted, tired). But I also find it interesting that my first thought was, "Wow! Is this all there is to life? Look at all of the negative connotations!!"

Frustration • Headache • Hurt • Overwhelmed • Restless

But at second glance, look how many positive ones there are:

Friends • Laughing • Love • Relieved • Thankful

I guess it really is what you make it, huh?

Sleep

2010-03-08T10:00:00.003-05:00

Yep, I'm really sleep. And this is Lee's BlackBerry background now. ☺

Forget a dollar. I would just take the interest from a dollar for each time in the past week I've read a tweet, Facebook status, or BBM status about sleepiness, weariness, exhaustion, fatigue...the list goes on. And make no mistake about it. I'm no exception. Not by a long shot. Just take a look at this picture (below - click to enlarge) created by a Facebook app at the end of 2009, which randomly pulls all status updates for the year and creates a collage. Just look at how many references there are to sleep.

This prevalent lack of sleep is disturbing to me. I'll freely admit that sometimes, the fault is solely mine. I simply delay turning off the TV, turning off the lamp, and/or putting my Kindle away, simply because I think it's "too early" and I'm afraid I'm going to miss something. What exactly? Not even I can answer that. Other times, however, my brain just won't shut down. I suspect many would also point to this as the reason for their lack of sleep. That's the part that disturbs me. Whether it's stress, depression, worry, fear, anxiety, turmoil, unforgiveness, guilt, anger, irritation, regret, resentment, it's clearly taking over our lives. Many of you would probably be amazed at how many of your status updates and tweets have to do with your mood and/or state of mind as it relates to your lack of sleep.

Answers? I have none. As I wrote this, I was operating off of a whopping 9 hours of sleep, but that's only because the previous day had completely kicked my butt at work and I was BEYOND exhausted. Otherwise, going to bed right after dinner is certainly not the norm for me. But why is it that in this day in age, most of us have to be "put" to sleep in this, or a similar manner (i.e., illness), in order to get a healthy amount of sleep?

What's keeping you awake?

Random...and Funny

2010-03-04T19:09:00.002-05:00

I received this in an email from a friend of mine a few weeks ago, and I literally laughed out loud. Enjoy.

Random Thoughts for the Day

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
There is great need for a sarcasm font.
How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
Was learning cursive really necessary?
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.
I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

Spotlight

2010-03-02T12:56:00.001-05:00

Be ok with not always getting the praise for your efforts. The highest praise is being given the responsibility to get the thing done.

I saw this on Twitter this morning. Star Jones tweeted it as a part of her daily Morning Meditation, which was centered around doing your best work. There were actually several profound things within the Meditation, but this one really struck me.

Anyone who truly knows me and the kind of work I do knows that I live behind the scenes, and it is VERY rare that I get recognition for my work. In fact, there are even times when others get credit for my work (no joke - wish it was)!! I would be lying if I said that it doesn't still bother me, but when I first accepted this position, it would rile me in a "see-red-and-spit-nails" kind of way. I can honestly say that I've grown...tremendously.

The part that really hit home for me is the second sentence: The highest praise is being given the responsibility to get the thing done. When administration offered me this position, they were putting TREMENDOUS faith in me. There's the video production aspect of the job, of course, but more importantly, I am responsible for a very robust website that serves as the organization's primary means of communication. (This realization kept me up MANY nights right before I officially assumed the role.)

THAT'S WHAT MATTERS.

THAT'S THE COOL PART.

That's a HUGE compliment.

So to that I say THANK YOU! I love what I do. ☺

A New Normal

2010-02-06T19:12:00.000-05:00

(Click photo to view Nala's Web Album)

It's been exactly one week since Lee and I took Nala to my co-worker's house on a trial basis. She and her husband have two kids and two dogs. We met for a "doggie playdate" last Saturday, which went great. We then spent some time in their house and observed the dogs as they interacted. Nala is significantly smaller than one (who is actually the youngest - only about 18 months!), and a little smaller than the other. Together, they're all like stairs...or as someone said that day, the AT&T bars. ☺

I cried a little as we left their house, but not much, because in my mind I still thought it wasn't quite permanent yet, so no need to have yet another meltdown. Things are still going well. I was a little concerned about Chief's (the largest dog) size compared to Nala. We all were. But I saw a video of the two of them playing, and my mind was immediately eased. They get along well. He almost "tempers" his play a little because of her size. And once Benny (dalmatian) stops trying to hump her, it'll be great! ☺ My co-worker said I could send over some stuff that Nala likes, which I gave her on Tuesday. But typical of me, even that was really hard. I couldn't pack it up and put it in my car! Lee had to do it. Later on in the week, she requested her vet records and microchip information, and they were planning a "group field trip" to the vet this weekend. So it seems like Nala has found a great home. But nothing is absolutely set in stone quite yet.

She has sent me several pictures since Saturday, which I uploaded to Nala's web album. I do have to admit, though, that I did get a little teary when I looked at the album in its entirety. This has been difficult. Nala has been a big part of our lives for almost two years. But I'm also happy for her...excited, even! She gets to play with other dogs everyday! She gets more attention now, and it's so great for her!

What Exactly Are We Paying For?

2010-02-04T09:37:00.003-05:00

A friend of mine posted this picture (click to enlarge) on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, and it's pretty thought-provoking. Just pause for a moment and take a look at our spending and how it relates to our life expectancy, compared to that of other countries. Of course, I don't know exactly how accurate this is, but I would be willing to bet money on its accuracy, based on our stellar health care system [be sure to read that with oozing sarcasm].

On a slightly related note, it also occurred to me that I have failed to update so many people on my most recent health issues. From June through November of last year, I consistently had "issues": colitis flare-ups, headaches, dizziness, congestion, nausea, sore throat, low grade fevers, what I thought was pink eye (still don't know what that was), a sinus infection, and ear fluid build-up. After a terrible headache, followed by a severe nose bleed and severe dizziness in November, Lee picked me up from work and we went to the doctor, where they took blood for an allergy test. I was completely unconvinced that allergies were the only problem, so we went to the ER around 1:00 that next morning, where they tested me for the flu. Negative.

They took 5 vials of blood for more tests. Surprisingly, everything was normal. Even my hemoglobin!! That never happens (here's why). The doctor said that I had swelling in my nasal passages and my septum was inflammed (whatever that's supposed to indicate), but he was unsure why. So I was given a steroid shot and a prescription for more steroids (like the 4th or 5th round in 6 months). He wanted me to make an appointment with an ENT "as soon as possible". So I did. The very next day.

Long story short, after 3 hours of tests and over $1,000 later, it turns out that I had some dysfunction in my inner ear periphery, which explained the dizziness. It was also suggested that I was possibly suffering from many more allergies than what was discovered with the test done a couple of days before. So an extreme change in diet was recommended. I was not amused. Now, here's the kicker...

A few days later I was really sick ALL DAY. I'm talking EXTREME nausea!! That night, as I was dining on my cuisine of mashed potatoes and ginger ale, Lee casually asked, "Is nausea a side effect of Asacol?" I nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I think so". I fished out the leaflet for it, and sure enough, all of my symptoms are side effects (not the sinus/cold stuff)!! How ridiculous that none of the doctors ever thought of that!!! And of course, this was all discovered AFTER we had forked over almost $2,000 in the span of 6 months. Nice.

Since then, I reduced the number of pills I take daily. I was taking 8 (3,200 mg). I am now down to 5. I can't go any lower that. My symptoms have dramatically improved, BUT because I don't have as much medication controlling the inflammation, I've noticed that I have to pay more attention to what I eat. The biggest shock is that I can't eat lettuce. ☹ I've never craved salads this much in my entire life. I'm currently suffering from a flare-up, but that's to be expected occasionally. Overall, things are much better!

To humor those of you who have stuck it out and read through this entire post, below is a picture of the sheet that I used to track my symptoms while I cut down on my meds. Typical of me, huh? ☺

Thank you to everyone who continues to be so incredibly supportive. I appreciate all of your prayers and well wishes. It means a lot when people understand when I'm just "not feeling well". I think it's easy for people to forget that this disease is chronic, so to some it may seem that "Sharmaine is always sick". Well, she kinda is. ☺ But it's ok. I've learned to live with it, and there's definitely hope! Have you seen all of the commercials about ulcerative colitis?!? That's not the kind I have, but the fact that there's more of an awareness is so exciting!!

What Goes Up...

2010-01-28T16:34:00.002-05:00

The beauty of my field of work is that it constantly changes. That's what keeps me on my toes. I mentioned in a blog post in November how excited I was about my video being public and easily accessible from our home page. Well, the time came today to change that button that I was so proud of creating!! Not to mention the intense coding changes it took just to get it to display like that (I love what I do)!! ☺ The page that the button linked to is still live, but the button itself is no longer on the home page. ☹ But for the sake of posterity, I'm keeping a screen shot of what it used to look like (it's the "Artists-in-Residence" button in the bottom right corner):

And of course (in case you have an extra 18 minutes to spare), I'm including the link to my video. ☺

It's All Relative, Right?

2010-01-19T13:17:00.004-05:00

I am fully aware that there are unimaginably terrible things going on in the lives of people all around the world. Undoubtedly, #1 on most of our minds right now is the unbelievable catastrophe in Haiti. I get that. And when I think about that, it puts everything into perspective, and I'm reminded that things can always be so much worse. However, this reminder doesn't necessarily lessen any pain in my own life, as trivial as it may seem.

This is MY blog. MY place to vent. MY place to discuss what matters to ME. MY therapy.

I hung this flyer at work today, and since last Tuesday, I've had trouble controlling my tears:

Lee and I have decided that it's in everyone's best interest, especially Nala's, for her to live with another family. We've discussed this in the past, and I became absolutely irate, because when Lee introduced the idea of getting a dog, I fought it tooth-and-nail. I have never been a dog person, and I was completely uninterested. So when the discussion arose about finding another home for her, it upset me, because now I've fallen in love with her. But we eventually had to be honest with ourselves. We simply can't give her the life she needs, especially since we moved into this new place. There is no back yard and no fence. She spends all day inside, and Lee and I don't always feel like coming home to walk her or take her to the dog park (assuming it's still light outside) after working long hours, and it's just not fair.

Nala is still with us right now, which actually makes this a little harder. It's tough having her at home, knowing that she won't always be there. I want to detach, to possibly make it a little easier to say "goodbye" when the time comes. But at the same time, I feel like I would be wasting the time I have left to spend with her (by trying so hard to become detached). Also, as with most things, the "not knowing" is hard. For all we know, we could have Nala for another month or two, or even longer. Then this would almost seem like a waste of tears. But is that worse? Are we just dragging it out and making it hurt more?

We've contacted the adoption agency where we got her, in hopes that they'll be able to find a foster home for her (they're full) until a permanent one becomes available. But we would much prefer that she live with a family that we know, or at least a family at my job. It would be great if she were adopted by a family with children, who can give her the love and attention that she deserves.

Lee and I both love her dearly, and we're going to miss her more than words can express. She is such a sweet dog. She really is. She has a bond with Lee that is so touching to see, and I know this is extremely hard for him. Every other song makes me cry. Seeing pictures of her makes me cry. Thinking about coming home to an empty house makes me cry. Seeing people walking their dogs makes me look away so I won't cry. As do dog commercials. I know this is the best decision, and I'm at peace with the decision itself. I know it's going to be so much better for her, but it's still very difficult. Before I had a dog, I have to admit that I looked at people sideways when they got emotional about their dogs. Talk about karma, huh? Guess I learned my lesson.

Beyond this post, I prefer not to talk about it, unless it is with an interested party. This post should answer any and all "why" questions that arise out of sheer curiosity.

Again, I understand that there are bigger, more important things to be concerned with, but this is my life. I get to be sad. I get to feel the way I do about what's big in my life, and I get to shed tears. It's all relative, right?

Fragility

2010-01-16T21:34:00.003-05:00

Fragility
Pronunciation: \frə-ˈjil-ət-ē\
Function: noun
:the quality or state of being easily broken or destroyed

I have recently been reminded of the fragility of life. The most obvious is the recent earthquake in Haiti, which the word devastation doesn't begin to describe. But besides that, I was informed earlier this week about the death of a family friend. He wasn't even sick! I don't feel it's my place to share the details surrounding his death, but I will say that it's one of those situations that leaves you thinking, "Did that really happen? There's just no way. That's not even fair."

A great man was laid to rest today. James Armstrong was a member of Pe-Poppy's church. My family grew up with his family. I grew up with his daughter. My family bowled with them. I JUST saw James on October 31, at my great grandmother's funeral, and he was FINE! I introduced him to Lee for the first time, and was very proud to do so.

I'm sure James accomplished many things worth mentioning in his life, but to me, his words meant so much. I'm so glad I was able to convey to him, while he was living, how much a deep conversation between us meant to me. James is the reason the lines of communication between Pe-Poppy and me were opened again in 2006. I ran into him in a grocery store on August 7, 2006, and we stood and talked in the aisle for almost an hour (I think I said 2 hours on Twitter - um, yeah, I may be a bit of a drama queen). He was absolutely devastated about what had happened to our family, and even more so about the fact that I had not spoken to Pe-Poppy in over a year at that point because of something that happened the previous summer. James was uninterested. He seemed to fully understand the dynamics, the people involved, and even things I wasn't aware of, but none of it was relevant, in his opinion, because he also knew (almost better than anyone outside of our family) the kind of relationship I shared with Pe-Poppy. He was there for all of it. All of it. Since the day I was born. During our conversation, he said something I knew, and something I had been telling myself all along, but it didn't quite click until that day standing in the aisle of the grocery store: "You don't want to wait until someone dies to say what needs to be said."

Those words rang in my ear for hours, and I wrote Pe-Poppy a letter that very same day. Every story needs some kind of "conclusion", so I'll just say that the relationship between Pe-Poppy and me did change after I wrote that letter. It's not like it used to be, but we at least talk now. I have always "quietly" thanked James for that push that I needed, and I'm so thankful I got the chance to thank him personally.

RIP, James Armstrong. You were a good man.

Take Your Seat

2010-01-06T09:09:00.005-05:00

"Some of us are allowing the wrong people to sit in the front seat of our lives when we need to kindly escort them to the balcony to watch from a distance."

I think this has become one of my absolute favorite quotes, considering some of the events that transpired in my life during 2009. A friend of mine tweeted this yesterday. I read it at a red light on the way to work, and yelled (in my car, by myself), "Woooooo!!!" (with a "preach on, preacher" kind of feel to it). I then re-tweeted it, made it a favorite, and it is currently my Facebook status.

After posting it on Facebook, a friend from college shared a story about a former friend of hers who is "not even in the audience". I love that aspect as well. Some people in our lives are toxic, plain and simple, and need to be removed completely. And some, like the quote says, just need to kindly be escorted to the balcony to watch from a distance, and have absolutely no place in the front seat.

If you can't act right in the audience, deliberately hurting the main actors, working with other audience members to stab the actors in the back, refusing to be direct, forthcoming, and honest with the actors during audience participation, then you have made a CONSCIOUS decision to revoke your seat in the front. The actors don't need that distraction and negative energy. Their job is difficult enough, just being on life's stage, so play your games elsewhere. And when the actors no longer wish to acknowledge your presence, in the balcony or elsewhere, don't wonder why. YOU refused to respect their presence, so why expect anything different?

Bottom line (to steal a popular phrase from a curt email I received from an audience member):

It's your choice. Where are you sitting?

A Different Perspective

2009-12-31T15:20:00.006-05:00

One year ago, I was EAGERLY awaiting the end of 2008. And I mean EAGERLY. Sitting in a hotel room in Emeryville, I couldn't help but shake my head at the irony surrounding the fact that I chose a time zone that forced me to extend this horrible year another 3 hours. I wanted, more than anything, to forget that 2008 ever existed. NEVER had my sense of security been so violently shaken. I wasn't sure whose life I was living, but I was convinced it wasn't mine. Perhaps I was temporarily trapped in someone else's? Who knows? But surely, this wasn't the course my life was supposed to take.

This year is different. Looking around me, it would be easy to say that life sucks. The unemployment rate is still high, we're still at war, families are losing their homes at alarming rates, violence is in our faces daily...the list is endless. But I can honestly say that overall, 2009 was a good year for me. Maybe it's simply because it was better than 2008, and I made it through the year without having my back door kicked in once again, or without having to pull the trigger on "Crystal the Pistol". A few weeks ago, my husband looked at me like I had 3 heads when I told him that I think 2009 was a good year. Of course, I'm not saying EVERYTHING about it was good.

I lost the first house I ever purchased, at age 22, to foreclosure.
I received a nice salary increase.
I lost my best friend, confidant, and maid of honor. (She's not dead, at least not physically. Not sure what happened inside, though. She certainly isn't the person I met more than 10 years ago. Or maybe she is. Guess I may never know.)
I reconnected with people from the past.
Michael Jackson died.
I formed new relationships and deepened others.
I started swimming again.
I didn't strengthen the relationship with my God daughter like I intended.
Sweet little Dylan was born healthy.
Michael Jackson died.
I still love my job.
I spent most of my birthday in bed because of my colitis.
Mom found a house that she loves.
I am on the verge of losing my 2nd house, which is now worth 1/3 of what I paid in February of 2007. Nice. (but I don't mind paying that heavy price for a sense of security)
Aunt Sheila's foot surgery was botched.
Pe-Poppy came for Thanksgiving.
Michael Jackson died.
We packed up and moved in the blink of an eye to a place we love.
Michael Jackson died.
Captain "Sully" safely and heroically landed in the Hudson River.
Michael Jackson died.
Jaycee Dugard was found.
Troops left and never came home.
Troops left and came home.
Michael Jackson died.
Sesame Street celebrated its 40th anniversary.
"Swine flu" sent us into a panic (and had trouble shaking its name and adopting "H1N1").
America's first African-American president was inaugurated (and please cut the crap about him "actually" being bi-racial. Isn't it clear by now that America sees him as Black?)
Farrah Fawcett and Patrick Swayze lost their cancer battles.
Balloon boy wasn't in the balloon! (foolishness)
Michael Jackson died.

I think it's fair to say that every year looks something like this. This is life. There will never be a list of only positives. But for me, this year beat out last year 10-1, hands down!!!

Today marks the end of a decade, one that flew by, in my opinion. I find myself once again looking forward to the coming year, but not with the anxiety, anger, frustration, confusion, and depression that plagued me 365 days ago. Ready for 2010!

Happy New Year, everyone!

Holiday Humor

2009-12-17T07:00:00.000-05:00

I got this in an email the other day from someone at work.

"Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories. But two things made me take it down.

First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.

Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard."

Rain, Snow, Sleet, or Shine...

2009-12-15T09:24:00.005-05:00

...well, maybe just a little rain. But according to the weather forecasts, last Saturday night was supposed to be incredibly cold and very rainy. Hearing that all week prompted Lee and me to seriously consider canceling our party, "Mingle & Jingle with the Mitchells". I'm sooooo glad we didn't! We had an absolute blast!! And even after updating everyone on the weather and the insane parking situation in our neighborhood, every "yes" reply (except one) showed up!!

What a great way to kick off the holiday season with our family and friends! We all had such a great time, and I'm so grateful for the people we have in our lives. I can usually make a safe bet on those who will show up no matter what! ☺

Back That Thang Up

2009-12-08T10:32:00.002-05:00

Couldn't help myself with the title. ☺ But this is actually a serious post.

Last Thursday, I received a forwarded email from a friend that she received from her neighbor...very close neighbor (she is the wife of the victim). It reads as follows:

He came home late from work tonight (about 10:45). He pulled his truck into the garage, and was getting out of the truck as the garage door was closing. A man ducked under the door and approached [name] with a gun. He told [name] to "just put it down in front of you". [Name] put his hands in his jacket pocket to give the guy his keys and wallet, and the guy suddenly said "never mind" and turned and ran. We are not sure what changed his mind, but it was at that same time that I was calling [name]'s name from inside because I thought [name] was calling to me. Perhaps he didn't want to deal with two people. Who knows...[Name] estimated that that he [perpetrator] was about 16 years old.

If you've lived in Atlanta for at least 17 years, you probably know the name, Sarah Tokars. Yes, it turned out that this was no random act, and I'm not even sure a garage door played a part whatsoever. Some accounts say that she was approached in her driveway. But at age 11, a garage was what I could relate to, and I pictured men sneaking into the garage as she returned home, so the story instilled fear in me for quite a long time. At that age, it doesn't matter if the crime is random or not. Violence is violence, and it's scary. BUT I took comfort in one small fact:

Growing up, ever since I can remember, my mother backed into the garage, even before this incident. I have done the same since I started driving 12 years ago (which is how I hit the house - I have yet to live that down). I learned from a very early age, especially when sensors made their way on the scene (forcing the garage door to lift upon sensing any object), to watch until the garage door hits the very bottom when driving away. And regardless of how cool it is (it was cool when garage door openers made their debut) to open the garage door from around the corner, it's not safe. Anyone can be waiting for you.

None of these precautions, of course, guarantees 100% safety, but at least when you're backing into the garage, you're able to see if someone does attempt to sneak under the door. I would even be willing to bet that you decrease your chances of becoming a target if you do back in, because the perpetrator would know that he's lost the element of surprise.

Just something to think about the next time you go home...

"Back that thang up" ☺
(For those who don't know, this is the title - the "clean" title - of a 1999 hit single by Juvenile.)

Popping In

2009-12-02T08:50:00.004-05:00

Catching up on some friends' blogs last night, I noticed that Rachael also mentioned our spontaneous visit to New York in her blog post. (Click on the image)

As she so perfectly put it, life should be lived! ☺

Spontaneous

2009-11-24T10:00:00.005-05:00

Last Saturday morning (11.22.09), Lee offered me a bribe that I couldn't refuse. He said, "I'll take you to Starbucks if you go to the dog park with us" ['us' meaning him and Nala]. He knows the dog park is my least favorite place. So after I thought about it for a good 1.89 seconds, I said yes. The conversation then proceeded as follows:

Lee: And then I want some pizza.
Me: Ok.
Lee: From New York
[LONG pause]
Me: Ummm...OK!

So we boarded a plane at 5:40 that evening (we missed our original 3:40 flight), landed in New York at 7:30 PM, and boarded a plane back to Atlanta at 7:00 AM on Sunday morning. We packed absolutely nothing and stayed nowhere. It was FABULOUS!!

There's nothing like that moment when the cab turns onto 7th Avenue in Times Square! It never gets old for me! For those who don't know, New York is where Lee and I got engaged. And we revisited the scene of the crime during this trip. ☺ But first, we went to Tonic, which has become one of my favorite casual restaurants in New York. Aunt Sheila and I went there during our day trip in June of 2007, before going to see "The Color Purple". (Side note: That was also the day of the pipe explosion. If I do say so myself, I earned my stripes that day! Getting a cab was nearly IMPOSSIBLE! And I hailed one. ☺).

After Tonic, Lee and I went to M&Ms World, then walked around Times Square, and spent more time than we would have liked at Starbucks. It was packed! We then went to Sushi Samba, where we got engaged in December of 2004. And that's where my friend from Twitter met us! It was so cool! We "met" some time in August or September, through our love of "General Hospital". We've talked constantly since then (about more than just General Hospital). That's her in the middle in this picture:
My dear friend, Rachael, and her husband met us at Sushi Samba shortly after. She's the other girl in the picture. She moved to New York on January 21 (I can't forget that, because it's my brother's birthday). I've seen her a couple of times since she moved, but only when she came back to Atlanta to visit. So I surprised her as well when I told her, as we were boarding the plane, that we were coming!

We walked from Soho to East Village, and went to see Rachael and Patrick's place, then hung out at a bar two floors below them. Across the street, I met Spider-Man. After hearing the story about him from Rachael, I HAD to take a picture with him. Regardless of the weather, this guy, IN THIS OUTFIT, hauls people (while running) in a type of rickshaw through the city! The word that kept coming up was "maniac". ☺ I mean, seriously, notice how we're all dressed and then look at him.
It was a wonderful trip, as short as it was (which is a huge part of what made it wonderful), and the only word that keeps coming up when I talk about it is "crazy". It was totally uncharacteristic of me, one who has to have EVERYTHING planned. Lee kept telling me how proud he was of me for agreeing to go. I'm so glad I did!

So to everyone who keeps asking, "Why don't you guys have kids yet?" This is one of the answers. We're not ready to stop doing stuff like this. ☺

To see more pictures, click on this image:

Growth & Revelation

2009-11-23T21:03:00.004-05:00

As dramatic as it may sound, one year ago today, my life changed. November 22 started out as a fairly typical Saturday, except that I had a nagging feeling all day. I was extremely sad. Lee and I hung out at home all day, and even watching comedies couldn't cheer me up. I called my mom to make sure everything was ok with our family. I called my cousin, who was pregnant at the time to make sure everything was ok with her. No news. So I posted this status on Facebook: Sharmaine Mitchell has been really sad all day. Don't know why. Is everything ok with everyone? Please let me know...

Finally, Lee decided that we should go to the movies to distract me. It was near the end of that movie ("James Bond: Quantum of Solace" - I'll never forget it), around midnight (which is why it was technically November 23) that we got the phone calls: one from our next door neighbor, and one from Ackerman Security. Our back door had been kicked in.

My world turned UPSIDE DOWN when I realized that my work laptop had been stolen. I had only officially held the position at my job for not even 5 months. I was sure I would be fired!!! Ok, now that's dramatic. I didn't really think I would be fired, but it wasn't news I was itching to share with my boss. About 95% of my files were backed up on my hard drive at work, so I was ok in that sense. Lee's laptop was also stolen, but his information was also backed up.

My trust in humanity was shaken, my sense of security in my own house was GONE...COMPLETELY GONE!! I didn't even want to be at home, much less, alone. So even when I was sick, I didn't want to stay home, because I was afraid. I carried my gun everywhere, even to the kitchen to cook dinner. I worried every time Lee called me on my cell phone during the day. We had fights because of it. I demanded that he send me a message on BlackBerry Messenger, so that I would know something was truly wrong when he called. I had heart palpitations, I couldn't sleep, our house turned into a fortress. Phone conversations with our friends (and neighbors), Mike and Raven, always started out with, "Everything's fine", when the intention of the phone conversation was only to extend an invitation to dinner. We had all become programmed to panic when receiving phone calls from each other. It was RIDICULOUS, and it was absolutely no way to live!!

Last year, on Thanksgiving morning, Mike came over to get some butter for Raven, who was also cooking for Thanksgiving. Shortly after, he noticed a car casing the neighborhood. Yep, on Thanksgiving morning. So he came back to pick up Lee, and they followed the car, so they could get the tag number and report it. The story did NOT end there, BY FAR!! That night (next morning, actually) felt like a crazy scene from a movie, but that's another blog post all by itself.

In a year, I have grown so much and learned so much, and I am so grateful for it all. I really am. I love where we are now. I love that we're still close to Mike and Raven (in proximity), and that their beautiful baby girl doesn't have to grow up in such a stressful household. Stress can't even begin to describe the atmosphere in that neighborhood!

One thing I've never admitted to the world (until now) is this: I realized, after reading A New Earth and participating in the web class, that my laptop was my ego; it was the thing to which I was attached. When I took this position, that laptop defined me. That laptop was me. It represented EVERYTHING to me. It represented completion of my master's degree, a promotion, my dream job, my salary increase, my new status...everything. And they stole it. They came into my house - INTO MY BEDROOM - and they stole all of that from me!!!

And God said, "Yeah, because that was your idol." That's a POWERFUL lesson, folks, and that's why I said, "one year ago today, my life changed". I've learned not to put my faith in material things. Of course I "knew" that, but I truly LEARNED it. And for that, I'm grateful.

Truly grateful.

Production

2009-11-20T12:40:00.013-05:00

Last Friday (11.13.09), this year's Artists-in-Residence program at the school where I work came to an end. I was asked to produce a video recapping the program (which can be viewed by clicking on the screen below - about 18 minutes long).

Producing an 18-minute video from 240 minutes of video footage and over 1,600 pictures is no easy feat. I shot from October 5 - November 12 (yep, the day before the video was to be shown). Organization and time management were definitely very close friends of mine during this process. ☺

I have been absolutely floored by the reaction I'm continuing to receive. It's been incredible. With my official title being "Webmaster & Production Studio", producing videos is obviously a part of my daily work, but what's really exciting for me is the fact that I was asked to put it on a public page of our site, to which users can currently easily navigate from our home page! Most of my work is password-protected because of our students, but our Director of Communications said that she'd gotten "a million requests" for it after it was shown during the all-school assembly. It's also going to be shown at a national conference in Baltimore. It was truly an exciting day for me! The public acknowledgment was a bit much for me, but the appreciation was definitely nice. I absolutely love what I do, as demanding as it can be.

Here's the article that ran in yesterday's issue of our weekly newsletter (click to enlarge):
Below are just some "behind the scenes" shots.

Planning/organizing the shooting

The entire project in Final Cut before exporting

Going Home

2009-11-02T08:00:00.004-05:00

I have to admit that I've never been one to take pictures or video footage at funerals. I don't handle death very well at all, and for me, personally, I don't want memories from a day like that. But on Saturday (October 31), I attended the funeral of my great grandmother. At the end of the service, it would have been almost impossible to count the number of cell phones, cameras, and video cameras that emerged from purses and pockets all around that church. I had never seen this, and it was just absolutely...cool.

It's a little hard to tell what's going on in the video once the gentlemen reach the front of the sanctuary, but I loved the way they saluted Pe-Poppy at the end (around 2:55). He's my grandfather, for people who don't know. He was the officiator of his mother's funeral. That takes strength, my friends.

After the funeral, she was taken to the cemetery by horse and carriage, where a dove was released by her daughter, my great aunt.

Another tid bit of information:
When told of the plans for the horse and carriage, someone asked my mother, "What did she do?" Well, what many people don't realize is that she was the wife of my great grandfather, the late Dr. C.J. Johnson (1913 - 1990). You'll have no problem finding his music by Googling him or searching on YouTube, but finding more information about him and his life is a little more difficult.
Another link I found with a "mini bio"

Who Are You?

2009-11-01T11:20:00.009-05:00

This is me on October 23 at a party at a good friend's house. You wouldn't think I was at a party from the way I'm dressed, but this is my alter ego.

Here is a snippet of the email that went out to the guests prior to the party, which helped me determine what my alter ego is:

An alter ego is a second self, a part of a person's personality which is in marked contrast with his or her regular personality. When someone behaves differently in different situations, he or she is sometimes said to have an alter ego. In fact, the adjustment of one's behavior to meet social norms and expectations could be considered a social adaptation...

My IRA would be a lot more heavily stocked if I had just a penny for every time someone has said something to me along these lines:

"You talk like a white girl."
"You're so proper."
"Where do you go to school?" (Please be sure to read that with a negative connotation.)
"There's no way you grew up in College Park."
"Oh! I forgot. You went to Landmark...(or Oglethorpe)."
"You wouldn't know anything about that."
"I see you were the only chocolate chip in the bunch once again."
"Are you sure you're Black?"

And this is what helped me determine what my alter ego is.

I dressed down...way down. I shed the pieces of myself for which I get teased. There are many situations in which I feel it necessary to do this in order to avoid criticism. I don't always alter my physical appearance, but my diction does change, I try to use more slang, I try to "be down", just to avoid the criticism that I've always gotten since I was little...from people I barely know, to family members even!

That evening was absolutely amazing! Having so many women (about 17) in one place who were so willing to be so incredibly open and honest was very refreshing. I could have cried. Most of the women there were mothers, since it was a "Sister Circle" for a Mocha Moms chapter (I had to include the picture of the t-shirt just because it's so cute! ALMOST makes me want a baby. ☺)

I'm so glad Lillian included me in this get-together, even though I'm not a mom. I was forced to really dig deep and analyze this part of me that I had never really given a lot of thought to.

More Coverage

2009-09-14T20:31:00.002-04:00

Well, 11Alive News returned to our old neighborhood this evening for a live feed, and it was the top story for this evening's 6:00 broadcast! I am very impressed with the in-depth coverage, and am anxious to see where this leads...

Our Voices Have Been Heard

2009-09-14T10:42:00.004-04:00

As a follow-up to my post, Ready, RESET, Go..., I'm posting the story that aired on 11Alive News last night and this morning. OUR story.

Our neighbors are the ones who prompted our decision to move at the end of June, and I can't thank them enough for it. We all moved around the same time, and they have continued to experience problems with their home (in our former neighborhood) since they moved out!! Finally, Mike had enough, and did what we had all been talking about doing for months. He took action and called a local news station, in an effort to get the attention of city officials (and the public). Thanks, Mike!

Happy Birthday, Michael!

2009-08-29T00:00:00.004-04:00

Aside from Facebook and Twitter, I have yet to officially say anything since June 25, the day the news of Michael Jackson's death shocked so many people. One would think, from looking at my blog posts since then, that I was unaffected...and one would would be hugely mistaken.

I like to take pride in the fact that I gave Michael flowers before he died, so to speak. Last year, during my first year holding my position at work, I had the chance to pay tribute to Michael and incorporate his timeless music into several productions. I loved every minute of it! ☺ The video below (about 3 min., 30 sec.) shows clips from three broadcasts shown throughout the school (explanations below the video).

Students' faces are blurred for their protection.

1) Diversity Expo Week - March, 2009: I produced a short broadcast for each morning of that week, highlighting some aspect of diversity at the school. On this particular day, kindergarten students give a book review in front of the green screen (which explains why blurring their faces resulted in green "halos"- sorry). Posted here is the intro/outro of that broadcast.

2) Public Speaking - April, 2009: Two students took part in an after-school public speaking class. The focus of their final speeches (given in front of the school at an assembly) was how to "be extraordinary". The girl displays her smile, which is her extraordinary gift to people, while the boy exhibits his ability to make people laugh. There is no audio, other than the music. I was so excited about this particular project, because "Man in the Mirror" is my FAVORITE song, and I had been looking for a way to use it all year, so when the public speaking teacher suggested it for this project, I nearly screamed in my office! ☺

3) Earth Day Broadcast - April 22, 2009: I produced this 17-minute broadcast, and what's posted here is the intro/outro.

It's still hard to believe that Michael is actually gone. For days, I kept waiting for the big announcement that it was all a hoax, a publicity stunt for the upcoming tour, perhaps. I really wish people would let him rest in peace, but if I continue on that path, this post would be never-ending. I choose, instead, to focus on the positive, on the amazing gifts and extraordinary talent of this musical genius, whose impact will forever be unrivaled.

Michael would have been 51 years old today, and the some of the parties that are sure to take place today and throughout the night will, no doubt, be ones to speak of for years to come. This post is my tribute.

Some of my tweets following MJ's death:
June 25-1st one, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12

So What Do You Do?

2009-08-05T13:51:00.013-04:00

As summer draws to a close, and teachers are starting to trickle back in, I'm wrapping up some fairly big projects. I can't tell you how many times, during the past year, I've been asked the question, "So what do you do?" Some ask because they truly have no idea, and they're so used to me being in the classroom. Many are still getting used to the fact that I am a year-round employee; I no longer get summers off (which, by the way, really is fine with me; I'm a much happier person during the summer now). Then there are some who ask the question with a negative connotation, assuming that I can't possibly have that much to do during the summer (or any other time, according to some). I can shake that off, though, because I was forewarned that people would think I do nothing but sit in my office and play with videos all day. But before I shake it off, I have to vent a little. Someone (at my job) actually said to me, about 2 weeks ago, "Your job is not as bad as mine." Seriously? Who says that? Ok. Done with that.

I have to shamefully admit that when this position was created 2 years ago, I also thought to myself, "There's a separate position for a webmaster? Are you kidding?" OK. Done. I admitted it.

To clarify, my position is "Webmaster & Production Studio". It's not easy to answer this question in the form of a nice, neat package. So I'm posting a screen shot of my task list for this summer:
You can't read it even if you click to enlarge it, but my primary reason for posting it is to give assurance to the people who ask with a negative connotation, that yes, I do indeed have quite a bit to do during the summer. This list does not include emails, which become tasks, but just never make it to the official task list.

Before I even write it, I know this list will not be comprehensive, but it will at least shed some light.

Film, edit, and post (on the website) events
Produce DVDs for major events
Film, edit, produce special "promos" when needed. Here's one from this year (it's public on our site, so it's fine to link). The Annual Fund video was another huge project this year.
Manage website users - create users, reset passwords, maintain directories, manage/control permission settings, etc.
Upload/post videos, documents, forms, pictures, etc. when requested
Receive online application and giving receipts and watch for duplicate submissions, in case I need to void transactions
Maintain video/studio equipment (and calendar, for items available for check-out)
Update/change main pictures on the website (flash, headers, etc.)
Fix formatting issues for online weekly newsletter, if needed
Update static content throughout website
Change/alter/fix coding issues as they arise
Create new forms and/or web pages (usually involving fairly complex code) when requested
Submit requests to web developer when needed
Design buttons (using Photoshop) for website

That should answer the question, for the most part. This summer, I also spent time creating a document in Excel, outlining summer tasks, so that next year, I'll have everything in one place. I spent quite a bit of time on it, so it gets its own space in this post as well.

Again, the goal is not for the whole thing to be read in detail. Just know that yes, I'm busy. Yes, my day does not usually end right at 4:00 (as a matter of fact, my contract does not specify hours). Yes, this year has been a learning experience, in terms of balancing work and my personal life (clearly, I'm still learning, since my tasks for work are in blue and my personal ones are in pink - in the first picture). Yes, I'm usually pretty stressed, tired, and high-strung.

But yes, I love what I do! ☺